Gryphon Posted September 2, 2004 Report Share Posted September 2, 2004 (edited) I can FEEL IT inside me, BUBBLING. Attempting to OVERWHELM ME, but I SUPPRESS the urge to SHOUT and run around in RANDOM CIRCLES to show my EXCITEMENT because adults DON?T DO THAT! Sometimes I want to GO MAD then run around and BOUNCE OFF WALLS to show the excitement that is BURNING INSIDE. Have I not got THE RIGHT to do so just because I WANT TO? Maybe the children are CORRECT. Being adult leaves the spirit CRUSHED under the weight of RESPONSIBILITY. Well not ME. Not NOW. Today I am going to BOUNCE WITH JOY. Let the responsibility start NEXT WEEK. This week I?m going to be a KID AGAIN. Lost in the excitement of MOVING HOUSE! Edited September 4, 2004 by Gryphon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Morbid Angel Posted September 3, 2004 Report Share Posted September 3, 2004 this is good! I like the style. It's different, but it really captured me into the writing and really made me pay attention to what was written! Nice Job Morbid Angel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katzaniel Posted September 3, 2004 Report Share Posted September 3, 2004 * Stupidly echoes Morbid Angel's thoughts. * I enjoyed the piece. It was refreshingly unique, the style fit well. One "critical" bit of feedback is that I think it would do better with an exclamation point on the final line, "MOVING HOUSE!" I just think it would end it on a different, more exuberant note. Your call of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted September 4, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2004 Thanks Katz... You're right. The exclamation mark does help capture the feel that I was trying to portray here. Such appropriate timing for the observation too since my house move starts today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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