cryptomancer Posted July 31, 2004 Report Share Posted July 31, 2004 Stand in the falling prism, the cascading crystal That shatters upon the earth, and scatter the light in their path. See the glory of light split to the contoured arc Framing the world in the revelation of beauty That we see only as the reflections off This grey world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted August 17, 2004 Report Share Posted August 17, 2004 I think that this is a very interesting poem that contains several intriguing details, cryptomancer. I particularly like the metaphor of beauty being only the reflection of a grey world from a shattered prism, as it's a very original detail that gives the poem a morbid and hopeless feel. In terms of improvements, I think the poem could be even better if the first part of it were expanded a bit, as it's currently somewhat unclear to me what the falling crystal holding a person is meant to signify. A detailed and nicely written piece, well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted August 17, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 17, 2004 Stand amidst the falling prism, the cascading crystals That shatter upon the earth, and scatter the light Through the pathways of liquid life. Feel the light on your back As into the shower of watery gems You stare, freeing your mind to see. See the glory of light split to the contoured arc Framing the world in the revelation of beauty Seen only as the reflections off This grey world. *Grins* Thanks, although I like the slightly obscrue original, I was concerned with its flow. I have corrected a few wording errors and expanded. Is it any clearer? Or are my thoughts still obscured by the precipitation of this peice? *Grins* Thanks, I am starting to appreciate the need to rework things. Stop just writting free form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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