Looking at a Window

[Savage Dragon]

The lightning clashed, the sky, it flashed, as we sat by the window in awe

 

My friends, they wowed, amazed by the clouds and the brilliance of light they saw

 

But I saw something different from the atmosphere’s torment but to them it was all the same

 

While they all looked past, I looked at the glass, and studied the windowpane

 

I came back again, this time without friends, when the air had a more somber tone

 

All thought it was later; the effect was still greater now that I sat on the sill alone

 

The night had grown darker, and the silence was harsher, and to some it may have seemed frightening

 

But I had to know, how to look at a window and see something more than lightning

 

“But what?” you may say, “has caught your gaze, if not the lightning or moon or stars?”

 

“Was it the swaying trees, pushed by a breeze created by fast moving cars?”

 

And I’ll say to you, “You try to look through, you must give it a closer inspection”

 

And it will be said, “you must look instead at this window’s reflection”

 

And there, a reflection you didn’t notice before, of the same door, which I passed through to come to the window where I can see

 

Where I hope and I plead; someone, anyone please, will come though to sit on the sill with me

 

Some parts of this feel forced to me and any suggestions that can be made to make it flow smoother would be aprieciated. This is a true story about a day in my life not too long ago. No one ever came through that door. So what do i do now?

[purple_shadows]

And it will be said, “you must look instead at this window’s reflection”

I think that this line sounds forced coming after the line above it. especially the "And it will be said," which I believe should be deleted as it distracts from the flow.

 

also

 

And there, a reflection you didn’t notice before, of the same door, which I passed through to come to the window where I can see

Sounds akward, but I can't really think of anything that would sound better in it's place. The most I can really say about it is be aware of it..

 

Other than that, I really enjoyed this piece. iit's a feeling I've often had, seeing something that other's don't, and whishing that something would happen that doesn't. It can get rather lonely.