Savage Dragon Posted May 7, 2004 Report Share Posted May 7, 2004 Everyone has left Everyone is gone Everyone went on their way Good times we had But now they are gone And I’m the only one that wanted to stay Remembering the past While wasting the future Recalling things that have been I knew it wouldn’t last What was I thinking? Look at the mess I’m in People grow older I was left behind Holding on to a slender thread They all went away Taking all my hopes with them And all that’s left is in my head ****************************** this started off as a song but it would have to be longer. It's got a tune but i wouldnt call it catchy. eh, like it or hate it, here it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted May 8, 2004 Report Share Posted May 8, 2004 The story is very familiar to me. To the person left behind there is the feeling of desertion, but the truth is that we deserted them. Hanging on to the past is dangerous because of the seperation and isolation it causes. Life demands we move forward (or die.) I would like to offer a small revision and here is why. I liked the mood and the structure but while repetition of words can be powerful at times it can also be the opposite. A small change in the first stanza could center in on the same feeling without I hope losing the message. Everyone has left Everyone has moved on Everyone went on their way Good times we had But now they are gone And I’m the only one that wanted to stay Remembering the past While wasting the future Recalling things that have been I knew it wouldn’t last What was I thinking? Look at the mess I’m in People grow older I was left behind Holding on to a slender thread They all went away Taking all my hopes with them And all that’s left is in my head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Dragon Posted May 8, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2004 I see what you mean, I like the revision. I didn't even notice that i had repeated myself. Thanx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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