Finnius Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 (edited) Finnius Veteran Posts: 408 Registered: Mar 2001 posted November 27, 2001 03:32 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prologue Schild, an orphan, floats ashoar in Denmark. He soon rises to be a great king and, in a show of gut-churning nepotism, leaves his son Beo in charge. Beo follows in his father's footsteps, eventually passing on the family headwear to his own son, Healfdane. Healfdane continues the family tradition, and spawns the most popular dictator yet, Hrothgar. Hrothgar, having an unhealthy attatchment to fermented drink, orders the construction of Herot, a mead hall. The nightly partying in which attracts the attentions of... Grendel Grendel, fed up with his noisy Danish neighbors, decides to take action. He marches up to Herot, slips inside, kills thirty men, and drags them back to his swamp. The Danes fail to get the point. This goes on for twelve years, while the Danes try and understand a simple request to keep it down. Eventually, Beowulf hears of this and decides to help out the hapless Danes. He takes along 14 trained warriors. Overkill? Beowulf Beowulf and his small attack force land in Denmark, and quickly invade Herot shouting about their many victories over tall people and large, mostly docile, ocean-dwelling reptiles. Hrothgar dcides to let the commando vikings try and deal with Grendel. Beowulf's men clean out the mead hall's storerooms, then get slap-silly drunk. Naturally, they fall asleep smelling like pork chops drowned in cheap alchohol. Beowulf stays up past his bedtime. The Battle With Grendel The poor, misunderstood Grendel is once again woken up in the middle of the night by rowdy Danes, and ventures out of his peaceful wetland abode, smelling Beowulf's men. Mmmmmm... pork chops! He rushes for the mead hall, quietly opens the door, and looks around. Nothing but drunk Geats. Grendel is understandably angry and does the only natural thing he can think of: Picks up a Geat, bites him in half, drinks his blood, and crams him down his gullet. Turns out that Geats ain't bad eatin'! He grabs for another, who turns out to be Beowulf. Beowulf wakes up startled and latches onto the closest thing, Grendel's arm. Grendel tries to shake Beowulf off, but the inebriated viking weighs far too much. His great bulging beer-belly drags him to the floor, consequently tearing off Grendel's arm. Beowulf, being half-drunk and half-asleep, assumes that he has bested Grendel. The inbred Danes believe him. The End. ------------------ Finnius, Blues-man A Saint of Terra, The man with the rubber soul, Glib haiku writer. Nominal Leader of the App. No Description IP: Logged Edited January 8, 2008 by Finnius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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