Savage Dragon Posted January 25, 2004 Report Share Posted January 25, 2004 The room next to me was alive with conversation and laughter, entering my room with a total disregard to the walls that lay before them. Conversation suddenly became shouting, laughter turned to stunned gasps, and the room quivered, filled with new hostile intentions. Suddenly two loud bangs escaped from the room and I sat upright in bed. I listened but all I could hear was soft footsteps and the opening and closing of a door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted January 28, 2004 Report Share Posted January 28, 2004 Certainly a good starting point for a story piece, MeThinksUFoolish. I like the manner in which the uncertain events of the room nextdoor are revealed through the presentation of sounds that the first person narrator hears, and look forward to an expansion of this segment into a full story. There was one thing that confused me a bit in the first sentence, which was the wording of the sounds as they made their way into the narrator's room. When reading "entering my room" the first time, I was uncertain if it referred to the sounds or the narrator, and you may want to reword that little segment a bit. More please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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