RogBard

‘IF the Trees are Gone you can’t hear them fall’ The party platform is called a party "platform" for a reason. The platform is made of "planks" Why then are the Republicans doing so poorly? Well, planks are made of wood and we all know wood comes from trees. Any carpenter will tell you that you have to choose your wood with care. Let's look at the Republican party constituents and think of them as a "plank". Let's build the Republican party "platform": The gay/lesbian plank: The gay/lesbian tree was already cut down to beat up gays lesbians bi-sexuals and transexuals, so no plank is available. The anti-abortion plank: The anti-abortion tree is actually expecting a baby tree now. There will be no plank available for some time. The pro-war plank: The pro-war tree was cut down for gallows for dissenters to be hanged for not thinking correctly. There is no plank available. (there is a plank for you if you are liberal) The social security plank: The social security tree was needed to make paper to print more money to collect it back in taxes for funding. There is no plank available. The environmental plank: The environmental tree does not exist. So no plank is available. The hippie plank: We left a few anti war planks for this. Have a nice fall! The socialist tree: The socialist tree was cut down and burned because we were drinkin’ beer that day. The John Kerry tree: The John Kerry tree keeps flip-flopping and basically doing nothing. We hope he runs again. ~~~~this has been somewhat hard for me to write and may not be as witty (or dimmwitty) as I would have liked an equal time piece to be. But from a writing standpoint, you really have to put yourself in the other guy’s shoes. Stay Tuned. Bob. [EDIT #2: Separated from "If a tree falls in the woods. . " also by Rog, at his request--you were very patient when I was very forgetful--thanks--Tzimfemme]

'If a Tree Falls in the Woods' The party platform is called a party "platform" for a reason. The platform is made of "planks" Why then are the Democrats doing so poorly? Well, planks are made of wood and we all know wood comes from trees. Any carpenter will tell you that you have to choose your wood with care. Let's look at the Democrat party constituents and think of them as a "plank". Let's build the Democrat party "platform": The gay/lesbian plank: The gay/lesbian tree couldn't reproduce due to it's orientation and died out, so no plank is available. The pro-abortion plank: The pro-abortion tree is actually a stick the size of a drinking straw. It was cut down as a sapling. The anti-war plank: The anti-war tree was taken over by termites and killed during a peace-in. There is no plank available. The social security plank: The social security tree was needed to make paper to print more money to collect it back in taxes for funding. There is no plank available. The environmental plank: The environmental tree is being hugged so it could not be cut down. So no plank is available. The hippie plank: The hippie tree was ground up for bong hits. No plinck iis av-, ave-, avale-, aveelable. Wow man.. The socialist tree: The socialist tree was cut down and burned for heat last winter due to economic problems and shortages. No planks are available. The John Kerry tree: The John Kerry tree keeps flip-flopping and basically doing nothing. These planks are available at half price. Stay Tuned. The Republican platform is next.