Sparhawk

soway, I haven't looked at The Pen for a while...I'll start checking things here again, maybe even make a post or two.

Alright so I saw "Star Wars Episode III" on the weekend. Here's my two cents on it. umm, I'll say right off the bat that I've seen stuff a lot better than this. Highlights of the movie? Light Sabre battles. And it did answer some unanswered questions. Now for the bad stuff about the movie. #1 Anakin went too evil too fast. I can understand why he killed Mace Windu, and I can understand how Anakin was tricked to become evil. But come on, barely an hour has passed since he made himself Darth Sidious' apprentice and he's already killing little kids? He took that step way too fast if you ask me. #2 Self fullfilling prophecy...ok so they do tend to happen sometimes, but why doesn't anyone ever suggest that it could be a self fulfilling prophecy? I mean you'd think Yoda at least would have thought of that possibility. #3 I don't care how angry Anakin was, he would NEVER have force chocked Padame. He loved her too much, and the whole reason he went to the Dark Side of the Force was to save her life. #4 Ok so his body was completely burned by Lava, and his hands and arms were down to the bone. I don't care who you are, you don't live after something like that. #5 I know Anakin's death was probably expected, I doubt Obi Won (One?) Kenobi thought he'd survive, but even so, he should have used his Light Sabre to finish him off anyways, even if just to put him out of his misery. And now for the Corniest part of the whole movie. Anakin Wakes up in his Darth Vader armour and asks what happened to Padame. Sidious tells him that he killed her, so he screams: "NOOOOOOOOOO!" And force crushes a whole bunch of stuff in the room unconciously. So all in all? I think Lucas did a much better job when he didn't have all this new technology that he has now. Did I forget to mention, that his movie had too many Special Effects, not enough effort put into the story itself? Now I'm sure all you avid Star Wars fans are going to bite my head off for this review, but lets face it, it's the truth.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO Story is that an evil CIA agent goes looking for a mythological gunfighter to help him kill a general. The general is planning to kill the president of Mexico. A bunch of crime bosses are involved as well. However the plot is much more complex than that. The movie was, well, ok. Depp was great as the CIA agent and was perhaps the best character. However I think were are too many characters. Hayak got second billing but only had five lines. Also the plot is deep but at times you don't know who's on what side. Fighting was cool, even if the bad guys can't hit @#%$. Music wasn't that bad either. Overal it was good but could have been abit better. Best Scene: The bull fight Best Line: "I was tortued once. I didn't really enjoy it." Rating: See it

UNDERWORLD What's better than a movie about vampires? A movie about vampires fighting werewolves! That's the plot for Underworld. The two races have been at war for hundreds of years. After a major battle where the top wolf was killed the vampires have had the upper hand, hunting down the remaining wolves. However this had made the vampire leadership more focused on admin instead of the war. Also our hero, a female vampire soldier, starts to uncover a wolf plan involving a human which could give them the upper hand. This leads her to uncover the true cause of the war and the true strength of the wolves as she falls in love with the human. Now I really enjoyed this movie. It has alot of action with a good story line to go with it. Also the werewolves (who change form without the full moon) look cool. My main beefs are that the wolves seem alittle too evil compared to the vampires. There are also a few plot holes and the aim of some of the wolves are as good as a stormtrooper. Also the last death is abit silly. However these are mostly small problems that don't effect the movie as a whole. Best Scene: Attack on the train. Best Line: "[after questioning] We put [the silver bullets] back in [the werewolves]. (don't you hate lines that need background) Rating: See it! (maybe even buy it)

CHICAGO The story takes place during the 20's or 30's in Chicago. It's about a want to be singer who kills a guy. Once she get the right lawyer she becomes famous. Most of this is done in song. Now none of the major character's have been known for singing (that I know of) but all of them do a good job. The movie does a good job showing the corruption of the time and how the media can control and be controled; entertainment is better than the truth. The story is well done and don't have any major holes. The songs are, for the most part, enjoyable although some go abit long. The only thing wrong with it is that it's not my kind of movie. Best Scene: When Roxy adds the baby angle. Best Line: "Ladies and gents...a tap-dance." Rating: See it (Comment from Sparhawk: No I disagree with this rating, I say Avoid it like the plague)

S.W.A.T Based on the hit tv show this movie is about an elite unit of police who go about shooting bad guys. The movie focuses on the building of the team and their first mission: to transfer a prisonor who has offered $100 million to whoever can get him out. Things go ok until bag guys start coming out of the floor, lead by a former SWAT man. Now I enjoyed this. There's lots of action, a good story, and for the most part it was believable; although the bad guys seemed a bit heavily armed. Jackson continues being a bad ass and the leader of the new unit, while the others were able to get a good amount of airtime. The problems are minor for the most part. Like are they the only SWAT team in the city? How did the bad guys work together so quickly? And how did the ex-SWAT guy become their leader? However these are minor in a very fun movie. Best Scene: When the bad guys attack Best Line: "Now we see if World's Wildest Police Chases pays off." Rating: See it

GODS AND GENERALS This movie deals with the early years of the American Civil War. It focuses on General "Stonewall" Jackson from his first battles to his death. Now I had high hopes for this one. Gettisberg (boy spelled that wrong) was very well done. The good points were that the battles were very well done, coming close to making look what it was really like. It also tired to keep history, something almost unheard of in hollywood. The problem was they tried too hard, turning to letters to learn about the people. Problem is that this means there's alot of people making speechs, which gets boring after awhile. Also thought they focused too much on Jackson and not enough on Lee or the Union side. Also had a problem that there seemed to be no slaves in the South. Jackson calls a black man "Mr" and quietly listened to him go on about how evil slavery was. So much for keeping historical. Overal I was disappointed with this. Best Scene: The Irish fighting Best Line: "Grey uniforms...red uniforms...green uniforms...how the hell are we to know who to shoot at?" Rating: Skip it

SHANGHAI KNIGHTS In China the Imperial seal, the symbol of power, has been stole and Chon's father is killed. Now John and Roy are off to England to find Chon's sister (who is hot by the way) and return the the seal. With great action and great laughs this is a very good movie. The characters haven't changed but the jokes aren't old. The only real problems are that the bad guys aren't as full as they could be and music starts playing a number of times. But these are minor issues. Overal if you liked the first one you'll love this one. Best Scene: Fight in the revolving doors Best Line: "That's what I love about China; all your job titles sound kick ass." Rating: See it

DAREDEVIL The story is mostly a flashback from our hero. We learn that was a boy he found that his father was working for the mob. He soon got a faceful of bio...stuff...with seemed only to affect his eyes. Although blind his hearing became that of a bat; 'seeing' things through echo. He learned to develop these powers as his dad went straight. However the mob soon kills his father and our hero vows to help those who'd no one would help. Now a lawyer he helps the poor during the day and beats the s**t out of the new mob at night. The action is good although it is easy to tell where the fxs were, and some of the scenes of the echo vison was...well odd. I also wished there was more of Kingpin given he was the master bad guy. Still there was good action, Bullseye was cool, and they took care of the little details. Good movie but they could have done more. Best Scene: When the lawyers are talking in the diner Best Line: "I'm not too crazy about the outfit." (said by priest) Rating: See it

ANALYZE THAT We return to the story of the hit movie Analyze This. The mob boss is now in jail until someone tries to kill him. He "goes nuts" so that he can use the shrink to get out and find who's trying to kill him. Now I must say I was disappointed with this movie. It didn't seem to have any direction and the plot was kind of weak. Some jokes were funny but just seemed old. The ending also sucked, leaving alot of loose ends. Best Scene: The whole "crack-up" bit Best Line: "Daylight is the best time [to shoot someone]; you can see better." Rating: Skip it

T3 In the past two movie a massive war against machines that wipeout most of the human race was stopped. Ya about that... It is now ten years later and Conner believes that judgement day is still coming. He remains off the system, always on the run. Despite this he's found rather quickly. There's a new terminator (who can 'terminate' me any day) who's mission is to kill the other leaders of the resistance. Of course the orignal terminator shows up to try and stop her. He has a hard time since he's out of date...which makes you wonder why they couldn't get a better robot. Now many have trashed this movie but I liked it. The efforts are good, the story line was solid, and the ending was well done. Some of the lines are kind of painful and there are some part of the plot that seem to just disappear but over all it's a good movie. Best Scene: Future shot of the machines advancing Best Line: "I am...a machine." Rating: See it

LXG The year is 1899 and a mad man is trying to start ww1. In order to prevent this the British goverment puts togther a team including Allan Quatermain, the Invisable Man, Dr Jekyll, Captain Nemo, Dorian Grey, Mina Harker, and Tom Sawyer. This last one was thrown in to keep the America public happy I believe. The movie wasn't bad but it could have been better. Alot of time is spent introducing the characters, since todays youth don't read the books in which they are from. The fx are well done but at times it's hard to follow the action and they tried to do too much with Nemo's sub. Bloody thing is as big as a carrier. Throw in tanks, cars, rockets, flamethrowers, and automatic riflesand this becomes a movie you need to turn your brain off to enjoy. By far the best character is the Invisable Man and it's too bad he don't get much screen time. There was also too much Sawyer but that's just my basis that he has no place in this group. The plot is well done with some twists that you really don't see coming. So don't think and you'll enjoy it. Best Scene: The fight in Grey's house Best Line: "You shoot like an American. Fire enough bullets and hope you hit something." Rating: See it (or rent it; kind of on the edge)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN What's better than a movie about pirates? A movie about zombie pirates! The story begins when a young girl helps to save a young boy after a pirate attack. Around his neck she finds a gold coin which she hides believeing it to be a pirate symbol. It's now eight years later and the girl, now a good looking woman, still has the coin. The problem is that it attracts the black pearl, a cursed pirate ship. The boy, now a blacksmith, must team up with the former captain of the pirate ship to rescue her and stop the pirates. Now this movie kicks ass! It has action, it's funny, and the effects are very well done. Does't mean there aren't problems. There are some plot holes you could sail a ship of the line through but these can be over looked. Well most can. Anywho it's a great movie overall. Best Scene: The sword fight between the two captains. Best Line: "You best start believeing in ghost stories; you're in one." Rating: Buy it!

JONNY ENGLISH Jonny English is a low level agent in the British Intell who always screws things up. When all the other agents are killed there is no choice but to put him on the top case. When the crown jewels are stolen English must try and find them...try being the main word. While he's doing this he uncovers a much larger plot. Now this is a funny movie. I wasn't expecting much but I really enjoyed it. No wonder it's number one is Europe. Best Scene: The chase scene Best Line: "Don't worry sir I've seen to everything" (famous last words) Rating: See it

DARK BLUE Kurt Russel plays a bad cops who is willing to do anything to get the bad guy...be they guilty or not. The story starts with a hearing involving his young partner in a shooting. He is soon cleared and has the movie moves on he see how deep the rot goes in the force. Only one cop is prepared to try and take the bad ones down. Now the acting is good, but I was expecting more. I was hoping of a cop vs cop battle but it's more about doing the right thing. Still it kills a few hours. Best Scene: When the truth comes out. Best Line: "Damn it man talk english." Rating: Rent it

THE HULK Everyone should know this story. Scienist gets mad, turns into big, green, bullet-proof monster. In this one it's not a nuke that makes the change but in this one it's a number of things. Now the military, corperations, and his own father want to control Banner aka Hulk. Now the fx is very good and the fight scenes kick ass. The story also has things other than fighting and is alot more dark and deep. A little too deep for my liking really. Character motives are unclear or change, the story can jump into the past without warning, and the split screen is cool but can get tiring. The ending sucked, leaving alot more questions. Overal the fxs are great and the story isn't too bad...but something turned me off from this one. Best Scene: The fight with the tanks. Best Line: "It's about anger...power...freedom." Rating: See it but only for the fxs

BRUCE ALMIGHTLY Jim Carrey plays a self-centered tv reporter who blames God when his life goes down the sh***er. God, tried of his complaining, gives him God-like power over Bufflo. Now Bruce must try and learn to use these new powers and prove he can do a better job than God. Carrey is back to his wacky self so this is a very funny movie. Freedman(sp?) is perfect as God and his great everytime he's on the screen. However the movie deals with with God's role in the world which might upset some hardcore Christians. The fact that it deals with theology rather heavy is the main problem with the movie. However it's funny enough that it doesn't mess up the movie. Best Scene: When he first gets his powers Best Line: (on if God takes breaks) "What do you think the Dark Ages were?" Rating: See it

THE ITALIAN JOB A gang of robbers get together to pull off one last job. They make it and get away with several million dollars worth of gold. Problem is that one of them double crosses them, kills the leader and leaves the rest for dead. Now a year later the old crew gets back together and get revenge and the gold back. Now this is a remake of a famous British movie so I wasn't expecting much. However I was surprised at how good it was. Likeable characters (Green's is the best), lots of action, funny. A few minor characters appear out of nowhere and for some reason the mini is the best getaway car...but these are minor problems. Overall a very enjoyable movie. Best Scene: Where they talk about how they first became robbers. Best Line: "It's over then I say it's over." Rating: See it!

DIE ANOTHER DIE Bond is back blowing stuff and nailing hot chicks. In this move he's in North Korea with the goal of killing a guy who's messing around the BMZ. Well things happen and Bond is captured (gasp!) and for 14 months get's to have fun in a North Korean prison. He finally gets out in a prisoner exchange to find that he's been disowned by his bosses. On his own Bond strikes out to find the person who blew his cover in North Korea. Now his movie has everything a Bond movie should have. Stuff blowing up, chases, hot girls wearing very little, jokes about..well...you know. *wink wink*. Brosnan does well as Bond once again and Berry played a character who could take care of herself...well most of the time. The bad guys were ok but I expected more that the normal weapon of doom thing. Bond villians need to get cleaver again. The opening parts (gun and credits) were changed and I think for the worst. You don't mess with that stuff. Over all this movie was an improvement over the last one but it just didn't...well...feel right. Bond needs to get back to his roots. Best Scene: The car chase was cool but too long. Best Line: "Come with me double-o zero" Rating: Rent it.

MATRIX: RELOADED Our heros are back to fight against the human controlling machine known as the matrix. This time the last human city is about to be destroyed and Agent Smith has returned with a few hundred clones. Neo and the gang must try and stop them with the help of new friends and enemies. Now this movie was better than the first one in my view. Since the whole idea is understood the story is much easyer to follow. The characters are more developed with Neo becoming a god-like figure and Morpheous being questioned on his believes. The best thing about this movie is how it looks. Zion, the last human city, is very well done and the big chase scene kicks ass. The piss offs are...well...all the damn ads before the movie and the fact that it's a damn t.b.c (to be continued). Best Scene: Fight between Neo and Smith(s). Sound is great. Best Line: "Hello Mr Anderson...surprised to see me?" Rating: Buy it!

X2 The battle between mutents and humans continue in the second X-man movie. In this the US president is attacked by a mutant which gives the green light for an attack on Prof X's school. The professor is captured and the x-man must join with their enemies to save him and the world. Now let me start by saying that the movie kicks ass!! More mutants, more effects, better acting...it's all there. Nightcrawler's attack on the president is almost worth the price alone. My only beef is that Wolverin just isn't...Canadian enough. Let's get that back story right! And robots! I want giant purple robots! Best Scene: Magneto ripping the iron right out of the guard's blood stream. Damn! Best Line: "Have you ever tried not being a mutant?" Rating: Buy it!! (when it comes out)

ROBIN WILLIAMS LIVE ON BROADWAY Williams doing stand up about politics, sports, sex, animals, and much more. Even some Canada jokes...good ones! Being Williams you know it's going to be funny and over the top, and it is. The main surprises were how foul his mouth was and how much he sweats. Still very funny. Best Scene: His zoo bit. Best Line: "People are sueing Miss Cleo for fraud...well f***ing dua!" Rating: See it!

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN Story is that a 16 year old boy runs away from home after his family falls apart due to money trouble. Using charm and skills he learned from his father he begins to forge checks. Over the next six years he crosses the country and the world convincing people he's a pilot, doctor, and laywer. All this by being chased by the FBI. Now this movie was better than one woulds think. It's cool how the main character pulls all this s**t off and his interaction with the FBI agent is well done. And all this stuff is based on a true story! Best Scene: When they first met face to face. Best Line: "Merry Chirstmas!!" Rating: See it!

BABYLON 5 SEASON TWO (DVD) Not really a movie but it's my thread so I don't give a damn. Let's just say it kicks ass...major ass...Shadow kicking Narn ass. As you all know B5 is the best sci-fi show every made. By season two is really when the big story arcs take off. The show I'm watching right now has techo-mages and really, I ask you, can you go wrong with techo-mages? No of course not. Did I mention that B5 rocks? Well it does. Best Line (thus far): "I see a hand reaching from the stars as thousands of people cry out your name." "My followers?" "Your victims." Best Sceen (thus far): Earth fighters facing off against Minbari fighters. DVD is cool. Rating: Buy it dumb ass!

I SPY Plot is that the newest US fighter plane has been stolen. Damn who looks after these things? Well a second rate spy has the job of getting it back. However the only way he can get close enough is to work with a boxer with a massive ego. The FX are quite good and the jet is really nice. Owen Wilson plays his part well although it might have been better if he as a top spy. Eddie Murphy gets the ego this down so great about midway through the movie you want him to shut the hell up. There are a number of funny parts like when Bush gives Murphy's character a call. There are also plan painly scenes like when Wilson tries to pick up chicks. Overall it's a good move but more could have been done with the idea. Best Scene: When they're trying to find out who's the double agent. Best Line: "Doesn't this feel like a stakeout guys?" (do a shot everytime Wilson says stakeout. Rating: Rent it.