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Posts posted by Sillytune
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Between the lies, of a shadow
Of a mask, that is me,
I have found something,
One can say,
It's killing me.
If there ever was something,
That i could say, and say no more,
It's the fear of being, and ending,
Truly alone.
In a corner, of a corner,
Where night means - not a thing,
And all of darkest memories,
Begin, start, and keep striking,
The only glimmer, the only light,
That one, can truly have,
Is a piece, of a hope,
Is a peace, that promises,
Sadness gone.
Amid the mist of ruins,
Where i'm suffocating me,
All my deaths are dying,
What is left will be.
If i could cry for a tear,
Of a tear, of what is torn,
If i could only stop,
And say, say - no more -
It is a storm, it is a hope,
A symbol of previous words,
That keep on pushing,
With
Ten men, in one.
And more.
~ I'm simply trying out something, all that poetry and stuffz! - Would love to get feedback :3 ? -
Stormy night, dark it was. - the kind of a night, that gives you creepy nightmares or so.
Makes you wonder... Whether the world, would see dawn.
The another kind of night, where you'd expect to see no one.
In the dark streets, so full of shadows, created by the scattered lamplights through the shaded streets.
There was... at least someone who wasn't afraid.
A few, without protection, other than their somewhat unsettling figure, and ghostly cloak's hood.
One 'd wonder... what does that commission entail?
Face... their own carelessly lonesome solicitor
What was, nobody's business - had been facing storm.
(Am i doing this right O_O?) -
It's not that it was kind of a night where setting was special, or something that would make you feel sorta distorted by the thought of thoughts that are simply flowing and shivering by the cloudy, misty atmosphere of the dust that's been overly raising and dancing upon the streets, summoned by the one or two cars and a garbage truck that 're passing here and there doing and going where they are with an echoing release of a roaring engines grounding tune.
Picture a setting.
Sure it was night, within the god forsaken city where the only thing that's illuminating and fighting the clutch of darkness which by itself wasn't scary or frightening at all, more like a mellow, shallow and a chilly hug of a summer's dusk embrace,are the lamp posts and couple of advertising signs that're blinking and covering almost every corner and "it all" with various colors that simply haze one who would pass them by.
There was a kid, there's always a kid, doing something somewhere with someone while being and not alone.
A strangeness shrouding and relentless warming smile that could be seen from ear to ear and eye to eye, yet followed by the shadow that would not unmask itself till the days and writings ahead and beyond.With these words, in a corner of a corner if i remember well, there was a small apartment that one might say not so rich in possessions, but perhaps even smaller,was occupied by the family who had its days and doubts, but you could always hear and feel, stream of happiness, coming from both within and out.
In that family, there was a father, a mother, and a son.Each has its pages of torment, bad omen, and blood and yet each has broken chains that would bind one down.
On a terrace, just outside the home itself, with arms bent over the fence with a cigar in one hand, stood the father overlooking the alley, and all the other buildings to each his own home, housing resident of couple more tightly clenched souls.
He was a, well - hardened by the life type of a person.
A lone wolf, a family man, and the packs, friends, colleagues, strangers, both leader, entertainer, guider and when needed be worst foe, and a friend.
Kid who stood behind him, admired the man. Even though sometimes it felt, to the one who stood behind, that he actually lives behind.
Drowned in a shadow of twilight that is screaming words admiration and expectation.
Kid was foolish, there would be years before he realized that, for every parent, at least his, wished and wishes for a child to live its life, the best it can, and make one "its own".Hope.
Love
Life
Wisdom
Day
Death
And
Night
To be reborn
Relive
Live
Again
No. Only now - and make one's own ahead.The flow of time seemed to drop around the posture for which could be said, from a third pair of eyes, or couple more.
That those whole seconds which in reality just glimpsed, shimmered passed in a blink of eye of eyes, were encased in mesmerising cube of eternity's dune, there to remain forever unchanged
Forever new.Words that broke the silence not so suddenly flew.
~ Ugh, i'm going to stop for now, just for little bit, while this's not much - it's an introduction to a story, i kinda have to wake up tomorrow get ready for exam.
If someone reads this, - it's not done, just an intro of something that i'm writing for the simplicity of writing it - but yet again, i've only done it so i could share a little piece of something with you guys. -
Degorram sat up quickly, snorting in surprise as she was jerked out of the position she had dozed off in by the gentle knocking on the Recruitment Office door. She flailed for a long, drawn-out second as her sudden movement set her chair off balance, and fell over backwards, the air in her lungs taking its leave with a *WHOOSH*.
"Come in," Degorram wheezed, struggling to get back her breath as she disentangled herself from the treacherous chair. She pointed at the door, and with a snap of her fingers it swung open, revealing a very startled looking Pennite. Sillytune jerked their head back from where they had pressed their ear against the door.
"Come in," Degorram repeated with a little more volume as she stood, wincing at the bruise on the back of her head where she had smacked the floor. "Yes -- *cough* -- welcome, welcome. Please do have a seat." She gestured at the chair in front of her desk. "You have an application for membership?"
"Er...yes," Sillytune said, handing the papers in their hand over to the Changeling. "Are you ok?" The prospective Pennite sat with only a little hesitation, as Sillytune noticed the petite red cushion that was perched in the offered chair; it had started to purr.
"Fine, fine," Degorram said, waving a hand absently as she regained her own chair and began glancing through the application. "I've dealt with worse." The Changeling brushed a few dust motes off of her clothing and extended a hand to shake. "Welcome to the Recruitment Office. I'm Degorram -- Skald and Elder of Initiates." Without another moment, she turned to the application in her other hand. She drummed her fingers on the desk as she read, ears and eyebrows twitching with each stanza.
"Very nice," she said at last, putting the application papers down with a rustle. "You say English is not your first language, but you have very decent command of it. I would be much interested to see the original work in your tongue, side by side with the translation. There's a room around here specifically for works in other languages..." She rummaged in one of her desk drawers for a moment before pulling out a small map of the Pen. She circled one section with her finger and handed it over to Sillytune. "Head over to the European Classics room, if you have a mind."
"So....that's it?" Sillytune asked, looking around the office as if expecting some other kind of test.
The door behind Degorram squeaked rudely, and she tossed a crumpled piece of paper at it with vehemence. "Yes," Degorram replied, refusing to translate the previous comment. "That's it. Welcome to the Pen! Feel free to stop by and get further acquainted, if you like, but you'll find me haunting the Assembly Room from time to time as well. Otherwise, I encourage you to take a wander and get to know what's where. Stop and ask for directions if you get lost. If there aren't any other Pennites around, the walls will know where you are, at least."
With back turned toward Degorram, you could only see faint smile across Sillytune's face as he raised his hand in a gesture while heading towards the door that has shaped itself into a slowly-opening lion gate. A warm echo filled the ever-changing chamber with simple words *Will do, till i see you again*
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Finally my brain's working enough to actually read...
I think Peredhil summarized my own thoughts.
Besides what he said, and going beyond (or not as far as) the thought content in your Code - I'd like to tell you that some parts of what you wrote sound and feel very like a poem for me, especially from the way to 'formatted' it. Especially like the part below:
I write all of this
I live my life, and my code.
Voices are projection of me.
I will not be afraid of loneliness, i always have myself.
Don't rush yourself and things that you do for yourself
~ So you could be there in time for other people.
Your time, My time, is for me, is for you
Priceless.
No one matters more than me & you
But, do help when you can because you want to do so, without any rush
Without expecting anything in return.
Maybe because you're a musician, it flows like some sort of lyrics. It also invites thought/reflection, and I like it.
I'd be curious whether you ever tried your hand at poetry :-)
Thank you for your input, and reply
You're right actually
I tend to rhyme thoughts a lot, or well simply it's something that works on its own
The hardest part is changing negative rhyme to positive one
I've got nothing atm when it comes to lyrics - songs, i used to have bunch of them, but they were all sort of dark & same
So i've told to myself, i'll start new / fresh, in that - when i write something new, i'll be sure to share!
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Hiya, i'm here well to obviously apply for the YOLO-ship of this awesome site.
I guess i'll be writing to you, as i would write, read and talk to myself.
When it comes to writing my passion 's quite wast, tho' most of stuff that i do (lately) 're practically blog wised short stories about masks and people behind them - hence the theme of blog "City of Demons"
I actually have a plan to publish a book under such tittle but that's a discussion for some other time.
So, why am i here again?
It's kind of simple, English isn't my native language, and this form of speech - i kinda want to craft it, empower it, enrich it, and all those viable adjectives (Those're adjectives, hopefully, grammar was never kinda my strongest point)
When it comes to my work, or what i would be writing about, lately i'm quite interested in existential psychology, so i guess i'd be writing about everyday life, for someone it's rediscovering of "hot water", but i have pride in what i do, and i believe that my way of expression - just as anyone's else - 's unique.
I'll leave you for now with rough translation of a part of something that i've written before, and a link to a discussion about some well quite different subject
This's raw translation with some minor well grammar stuff'I hold my finger in the air.I look at you, i don't see nothing, i'm blind, lost.Go on, don't stopPlease, becauseTonight, i cryIt's hard.You knowThat's why you're here.I know.I want you to help.I get it.I want you to help me.Pull me out from shit because everything is nothing.I'm not the one.Show me that you care.You're not the one.I don't know you.I'm flowing the story, we've just met.I know you.I see you.I can't.I'm in a dream.I'm scared.Emotions're surging, i know you want it.You're chasing wrong picture - you're reading between the lines, you know how to listen, but you can't hear anything - You're deef'Make a first move.I can'tMake a first moveYou're not the one.I listen to you, i want to help - that's allWait - stopAnd tell you which the way wind blowsMonday: 12:00 PMI'm waking up, sober, today should be a good dayYou, do not drink (a lot) - why sober?Thoughts in me they drunken, they raze - leaving nothing behind.Go on.Straight WC - ritual of rituals, morning's showerMonologue's circling:Today you're continuing with reading book.Today you're continuing with man-transformation clipsToday you're following code.Okay, wait, stop, what?Flow of water's starting, i feel at peace.Monologue's circling.I'm in trap.Breathing, slowlyInhale, deepExhale,weakYou know, it'd be a lot interesting when all of this would stopWhat exactly?Well let's say, just right now that that i get hit by a heart attack, or you know, random flaw in electrics to pop out and...Why that?You didn't think like this yesterday, you didn't think like this to several minutes beforeDon't bullshitYou're looking for attention?Yeah, but not from you.From yourself?Why the fuck would i need it?Do you consider yourself so low, so shallow that there's nothing in life for you that matters... It matters, i'm trying, i'm working, shakingBreaking glass on piece of pieces with the thought of connecting the puzzle that's supposed to represent me.Supposed to?Supposed to.I'm trying to tell you somethingWhat?I love you.BullshitYou hate yourself.I'm circling monologue, storyCan't feel the flow, water's evaporating.I stop.Standing naked, in front of a mirror, looking at myselfToday you're fineYou'll be fine.You look fine, you're cool, nice, interestingA small smile 's showing, i almost believed itFor i have tried so many times
And a link to the discussion:
http://patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?/topic/17292-introduction-and-a-code/
~ Hope you find this interesting and helpful
Till next pages.
Silly. -
Hiya, since none of you most likely know me for obviously i'm sort of a new-newbie around here, i'll start with this
Name's Slobodan - roughly translated to english, it means Freeman (Which's kind of a irony when you get to know me)
I'm from Serbia, and i've been introduced to this site, years ago (but only now i'm actually going to post something) by my father-figure and your known friend Lawrence Wilson, or simply Law (Peredhil).
So yeah - here's the actual thing.
I've had a discussion with Law, about well simply ways to live one's life
I'm not here to "confess" my "sins" or anything like that, this thread'll be pretty much both psychological and existential in a way that, - well you'll read/see.
Many of you, many of us - have our own personality/ies - that define us, or well, choices that we chose practically define who we are, and who we come to be, that's at least something in what i believe in.
Tho' here i am - writing, in hope of sharing some knowledge and gaining some new
I'm going to be writing about a "Code" - Choice, that i've chose to live by
If by any chance you're wondering why would someone do that - live by a code - it's in my belief that many of us actually do that without even knowing that we are
It's like quoting David Di'Angelo here - if you tell a goldfish that it's wet, it's simply going to stare back at you and say, uh-what-wet?
And since, while i'm writing this - (I'm sort of a person who tends to unwillingly imagine scenarios about other people responding to whatever i do), i do hope that you might not find this only weird, but helpful - and well every feedback-discussion is appreciated.
Code - What do i Want.
#1. Possibility of choice.
~ Always, i can do whatever i want regardless to what voice in my head tells & says.
#2. That i'm not slave to voices.
~ I am me, man who writes these passages yes "Freeman" (Insert name) you.
Use voices as consultants but do not make each decision based by them, and do not rely on them.
You and these voices aren't unmistakable
You're fool if you think otherwise
#3 You're not chained by religion.
~ Do not be afraid of mysticism, spirits, and other things.
This's a world where man has a free will and where every action/choice has positive and negative reaction/outcome.
#4 Do not be afraid to "do wrong"
~ Life's experience, from everything that happens to me/us, learn something new, and that new apply next time.
#5 Gravitate towards the way to speak your mind, say what you think.
~ Sceneries in your head, are result of vast intellect, don't be slave to other people.
Don't say things how you would please someone (You never have to do that)
Have your own word, your own ground, defend it.
#6 Don't be afraid of "fears"
~ Don't bother yourself way too much with
"Oh i've said this, what's she/he going to think about it"
"Why would you care?"
It doesn't matter, you're you - you're yourself.
Work on it to live your life and in the end, what happens'll happen.
Help yourself so you "would be better"
#7 You don't need ANYONE'S permission
~ To do anything that you wish
If you want advice that's fine, but have more self-respect, and self-confidence. "in yourself"
#8 Don't brag about everyday things
Have your pride, stick to it.
As well, have your own word.
#9 Don't let anyone mess with you, make fun of you, 'n use you.
Especially women.
If someone's messing with you, trying to make fun of you
Defend yourself, - don't be afraid to put other people down.
(This all's said in a bad way, we all know when someone's simply just joking, and when someone's being a dick - again, don't be afraid to put other people, regardless of gender, down.)
#10 What you think about someone & And every picture, view that you have of them
It doesn't have to mean that they think like that about-themselves
It doesn't have to mean that the picture-view is true.
You can never be for certain
Life is one strange thing
(My thoughts about other people're negative because of surrounding that i've grown up)
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be on guard
But it does mean that you need to stop chasing self-invented-picture of pictures of other people.
Relax, you do not control other people's lives.
Someone's going to disappoint you, someone won't.
#11 Live life so you don't need anybody.
Especially wife, girlfriend, people
But remember, life's way prettier when you fill it with people
But before all of that, you need to learn to be enough for yourself
- be enough for yourself -
And make sure to enrich your life, and every day, with new experiences
#12 You're not in a hurry.
You have had, You will Have, And you Have enough strength to make the thoughts that you think of happen-realize whenever you want it.
(This's rough translation, i get it that "Follow your dreams" 'd make it be more understandable, tho' i find the "Follow your dreams" kind of... cheap version "meh, i unno' just do whatever other people do")
You're not "Bound" by time, but it'd be silly to waste it.
You do not have an eternity
Spend it wisely, and don't let that frighten/scare you.
#13. Have faith in your subconscious
It's always there for you.
Use every chance that you can get & make for better and happier life.
#14. What you don't like about yourself - simply change it.
~ It is never too late
But that doesn't mean that - that phrase should be your everyday excuse for new exciting things and anything else.
#15. Have/be self-aware
~ Accept all of your positive and negative sides
#16. Stop looking for acceptance
~ Be it of other people, men, women, and alike
You do not need it.
(But if someone's giving a free advice if you wish, listen to it)
#17 Don't be jealous
Why'd you want that? That's Yucky.
#18. Don't be afraid to risk
~ Risk! Change life.
#19 My Paradigm (Picture of life)
~ It was to follow destiny, and things that "will happen, would happen, and wont"
Do not do that, simply live life.
It's fine to plan, but do it consciously, without deja vu moments.
#19.5 Practice Speech and communication with other people
#20 Your depression isn't what attracts people, it's happiness, joy and being positive
But do not submerge emotions, if something's bothering you, no matter how hard it is to say, just say it.
#21. Do not give promises that you can't keep.
#22 Please, never "Freeman" never stop with reading.
You do not have many flaws
You are fine.
#23 When you do not know what you're doing
Where to go, or what to do in some situation
Simply ask yourself:
1. What do i want?
2. What seems right to me?
3. What would make me happy?
#23.5 You're PERFECTLY FLAWED
#24 I want from myself, that whenever i say that i'm going to do something, make a goal to work on making it come true.
#25. I want more goals in life.
#26. I'm not ashamed of anything
~ You are not ashamed of anything.
#27. Remember your responsibilities
#28. It's one thing for you, to write all of this.
~ Don't forget to apply it, to apply the code in life
Stick to it.
#29. You don't live to simply help other people.
~ If you want to fuck, fuck.
#30 Don't say things which you don't mean
~ example: I respect you, i care about what you think - and such
So you would "manipulate" people.
Shortly - stop with manipulation
But, do not be an open book, you do not have to say things that you don't want to.
#31. Don't live life under chains of destiny.
~ Prove negative voices wrong, don't be afraid of success, don't be afraid of failure.
Swim in life
Break free, breathe.
#32. Nothing in life doesn't happen accordingly
~ But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do anything
By doing "nothing you are nothing"
#33. When you're with a girl, or some guy
I want you, to be yourself, i want you to connect, to listen, to have fun
#34. If you want something
~ You have to go and take it, you can't only wait.
Change doesn't come by itself
(This's actually something that friend of mine told me, i might be mean by saying this here, but hell, i've told her that myself - she doesn't seem smart, she looks quite dumb actually, and does some stupid shit, but she's by far the happiest and bravest person i've ever met, tho' this last part about being brave, haven't told her yet. will have to.)
#35. Sex for me, and everyone else, is simple common thing.
I can talk about it, i can make fun of it
With girl, with anyone.
#36. I write all of this
I live my life, and my code.
Voices are projection of me.
I will not be afraid of loneliness, i always have myself.
#37. Don't rush yourself and things that you do for yourself
~ So you could be there in time for other people.
Your time, My time, is for me, is for you
Priceless.
No one matters more than me & you
But, do help when you can because you want to do so, without any rush
Without expecting anything in return.
#38 Every human being is "standalone for itself"
We're all individuals, paradox of being different and indifferent
Accept it.
#39. Don't miss chances for better life.
~ Sex, relationships,friendships for some self-invented picture of other people.
#40. Take care of yourself first, then about "your others"
#41. Live with code.
#42. Dreams that you have, are projections of "want" - things that you want to do.
Make ones that you want come true.
#42.5 Do not feel, lost, disappointed, or like you've failed.
~ Because something that you've dreamt, didn't come to pass
You don't control everything
Spread positive energy, and make positive choices
Don't be bitter, you have no reason to.
#43. Be surrounded by people who're positive and want to help you.
~ "Castrate" negative douches.
#44. Stop searching for meaning
~ Of every thought, each dream, each choice, every action, or anything in life.
#46 Don't be afraid of yourself.
~ Do not doubt in yourself, and do not question your each decision
#47. Stop living in your own magical built bubble of fate
~ Live for today.
#48 Thoughts, and daydreams are one thing.
~ Have control over yourself
Have control of choice.
"That - that one thought or idea comes to your mind, it does not mean that you have to make it come true"
You do not.
#49 Do not think/invent scenarios
~ In which you lose things that you've gained (Phone, Guitar, expensive stuff etc.)
Remove feeling of bad self-worth
You deserve what you have.
Keep your belongings safe, and be proud of them.
#50. Do not be afraid to add more to the code.
~ Say, write what you think, how would you like to live your life and live it.
You can do it.
#51 Your predictions are result not of fate, but of the things that "you want"
Fight for positive thoughts, and live positive
With more success
#52. Man can always find a way to fuck himself up
~ Point is, to stop searching.
#53 When a Fa-Javu & Deja Vu occurs
(Alright, the Fa-Javu 's self invention of mine since i couldn't find a word to describe and since it has a connection to "Javu" itself, i've simply chosen to invent a word that explains following meaning)
When something, scenario, something that has happened near me, or in that moment when something occurs like it was destined, fated
I'll remember code, and i'll remember that it's only known to me, because some part of me wants it to be, and that some part of me has daydreamed about it.
(Even this. Right here, now what you're reading, while i'm typing this, i'm "certain that a part of me has thought even before i've done, known this, that i will do this on this website"
I can't label this as a disease, but it sort of heh, another invention feels like a sleeper-agent sort of a thing. Where i'll think of something "date doesn't matter" and i'll forget about it, till that moment comes when i'll do what i've unwillingly programmed myself into doing, and when i've done it, i'll think that it was fated - Tho', heh - it's something that i'm struggling with, an acceptance of idea of "Normality" aka - it was just a thought, by me)
#54. Learn to accept compliment
~ Do not seek for flaw in every action, word.
#55 Personal hygiene is on first priority
~ Do not run from chores, responsibilities
~ Do not be lazy
#56. Do not use people as mirrors
~ It's fine to have role-models
But do not copy someone's personality
You're one unique on this world, and there will never be another exact same you
You do not change for anybody.
#57 Stop with the thoughts
~ That every good thing in life, and every good choice, that you make
Will be followed by something bad.
It wont.
It's a teaching by other people.
Time is neutral
I am maker of my own fate.
#58. The fact, that i want to live by code
~ And that - i want to change, myself, differently, program
It doesn't mean that i'm followed nor am i destined something "bad" in life, just because i'm trying to change my life for better.
That's bad programming and influence from other people.
I repeat with strength without fear
I change, i live my code, I'll add to my code.
#59 I will not be blinded by "fake success"
~ I've only won, when i've realized what i've wanted
Not only when i've just had a feeling.
#60. In writing and expressing, and talking
For you, there's no term/feeling "Disgust"
You're not disgusted of emotions
You're not disgusted when it comes to sex.
Alright, so that's about it for now - I don't know how people live their lives, and what they do, in the end i can only visualize it - Oh, by the way, i'm 19 years old, Musician, writer and besides going to university for media & communications: relationships with public, i'm an everyday joker.
So yeah. If you find something useful here, or simply if you feel like giving a feedback of what you've actually thought, or simply for discussion sake while you've read this
Feel free to
Till next pages. ~ Silly
PS: I've translated "code" as best as i could from Serbian and how i've written it for myself, to english, hope you'll understand it.
Return of the silly - Pain of my days
in Banquet Room
Posted
Hiya folks, haven't posted in a while, but figured i'd start with this:
Working on a song, lyrics go something like this
I don't know what i want
I don't know anymore
I don't know what i need
At all
I don't know all this shadow
I don't know how it came
I don't where i was
I don't know where i am
And this space - it is empty
And this place - it is hollow
As i burn from within
So much desolate sins
That've never been here
That've never been here
As the soul entertains
All the pain of my days
And my youth starves for truth
And my youth starves for truth
So siphon all
Flush away
All that was, all that came
Until nothing remains, Until nothing remains
So
Let the walls, let them crumble
All that doubts the doubtful
In this world that does haze
For your world suffocates
Leaving the blind
Shattered in - maws of time -
Until end is nigh
And it's nigh
It is nigh
It is now
It's now
Move on
- i can't
Move on
- i can't
Move on
- i can't
Move on
- i can't
Move on
- I can