Celtois

I agree with your analysis of the line turned to mush. In the original rendition of the poem it was dare I say that I blush. However I felt that was covered by the line previous and so it was changed. However both crush and rush could be used to great effect, I must ponder what would sound better. Not all that cheerful, but more cheerful then most. Reformat it to emphasize longing.. that might fit the rest of the poem better, hmm what would that look like. Thanks for the warm welcome, I hope my stay here is a long one. Roots around in pocket for geld no luck I don't have any maybe later.

[b]Enraptured Prisoner[/b] Heart flutter, heart shudder heart makes a sound whenever your around. It jumps, it leaps, it somersaults, it wants to show it is devout. But it knows fear and thus it hides inside. Lips tremble cheeks flush. Dare I say that I turn to mush? It wants to come out you know it's true but I can't seem to say, I love you. Comments things to improve on.. random and unprovoked hostility? on a side note this is probably one of my rare cheerful poems. I tend to avoid writing love poems in general.

This story sounds like it could be a classic folk tale, you know like the ones you used to read as a kid. Which is to say it's very good. You build your way to the finale nicely and it has all the elements of this sort of a tale ex. a lesson is taught. Overall a very good story. One thing that bothered me. Running very strongly... It sounds off, I know you where trying to keep with the pattern of Running Very X but maybe try and find a different word for there Hardily perhaps. Another thing that might sound better is swiftly instead of quickly. But now I'm just nit-picking. I