RIvaL
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Posts posted by RIvaL
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hearts in the distance
chance to meet once
as friendship comes to be.
shared pain diminishes
the hope is bright and new
and heartfelt words encourage.
the emptiness relents
the old wounds are healed
and hope swells in the soul.
and yet...
a sadness there once was
a sadness there will be
however one can always hope.
and yet...
hearts in the distance
cry tears of regret
as all hope vanishes.
the cruel path of life
has stolen that which was precious
and fighting loses all purpose.
one heart is broken
consumed with sadness
and its kindly soul only weeps.
a cold mask is born
that smiles but doesnt rejoice
and our story comes to an end
and hearts, in the distance, remain.
voiceless words are not enough.
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Thank you all for the nice comments. If I remember well my highschool days then most sonnets are usually romantic in nature. I dont recall if there were also rules for the lines themselves, but if there were any then they werent taken into account during the grading of the assignment since I managed to get top marks.
Tennos eh? Such an interesting concept. I recognize the concept on which it is based but I cannot recall the name of the author right now. Care to enlighten me?
Once again, thanks for the nice comments. They are greatly appreciated.
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nice. the short stanzas and verse create fleeting, blurry images which quickly change adding a somewhat fast pace to the poem. charming yet sad.
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A sonnet is usually a short romantic piece with a rigidly defined rhyme structure, yes? When I was assigned to write one a few years back I decided that I wanted to write something... different. I wanted to keep the rhyme structure but write something as far from romantic as I possibly could. I wanted to write something dark, gritty and original which would stand out against and contrast all the other pieces being submitted. The result was this. The first and only sonnet I have ever written.
Welcome to my world of shadows
suffering the eternal night
this life in the gallows
suits me right
Welcome to my world of darkness
I wander forever lost
I writhe in madness
my punishment is just
Welcome to my world of despair
I hear the damned voices
gasping, choking, "I need air!"
grinning, smirking, indulge my vices
Flames are bright, I'm burning
Cant see the light, I'm laughing.
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quite the interesting poem
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So I wrote a poem... my first one in a long time. Funy thing is that the silly thing decided it wanted to be written in spanish... and when I translated it into english it doesnt sound quite the same. Oh well. I still like them. So Here they are
el cielo azul
se estira perpetuamente,
hacia el horizonte.
el temor a lo desconocido,
de mi alma se apodera.
el azul,
tan bello y cruel,
llena mi alma y corazón.
no quiero ir.
pero contigo a mi lado,
quizas no sea tan malo,
aventurarme hacia el mañana,
y perderme en el azul.
the blue sky
goes on forever,
towards the horizon
the fear of the unknown
grips my soul.
the blue,
so beautiful and cruel,
fills my soul and heart.
I dont want to go.
but with you by my side,
it might not be so bad,
to go towards tomorrow,
and be lost in the blue.
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omigod... wiggly cabbages?
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I write to pass the time. It's a hobby and an outlet for creativity and emotions.
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A very interesting and gripping read. It doesnt hurt that the theme of the story is one that I'm fascinated with. I would certainly like to read more of your tales.
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Thank you everyone for your nice comments. I'm already writing down my random thoughts and ideas for another short story. I dont think it'll be a sequel for this one since I said what I wanted to say. Maybe at a later date, but I'm not certain yet.
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I was having a conversation with a friend a few days back. Somethings were said that maybe we shouldnt have said. We havent talked since then. I believe I might have overreacted. Maybe I didnt. I dont know. Whatever the case I used some of what we said and wrote a short sotry about it. Here it is.
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Thank you all for taking the time to comment. This means a lot to me.
Gryfalcon: The "out of style" feel in the first paragraph was intended. The "jarring" wasn't. I wanted to create the fantasy atmosphere right from the start and perhaps prepare the reader for my writing quirks and failings. The excerpt about the Warlords... I was trying to add a bit of comedic relief since the story was getting increasingly darker. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea since it seems to have broken the mood I was attempting to create. I'll take of note of that in a future revision. Thanks for pointing it out. And cutting out the books name was very much intentional and I rather enjoy it like that ^^
Peredhil: Thank you kindly for the welcome!
Wyvern: Thank you for your comments. I'll try and make the battle scene more interesting in a revision. It was intended to be a tad shocking and disturbing. Not really comedic. I'll improve it. And I'll come up with name for the countries if it really is that important. I had originally left them out so that the reader would have to provide names in hopes of getting him or her to become a more involved part of the narrative. Or maybe I was just lazy? You'll never know ^_~ Thanks for the kind comments. Yes, I shall post more stories and poems as soon as I find the time to pass them from my notebooks into the text editor. The picture underneath my name is Evangelion fanart. It's supposed to be an alternate version of Rei.
Once again, thank you all for the kind comments. I'll be around
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Hello. A friend of mine pointed me towards this forums. I tend to write short stories in my spare time so I decided to give this place a try. Personally, I think my narrative style is rather longwinded and eccentric at times. Oh well. I suppose practice shall eventually make it into something bearable.. but for now this is all I've got. Hope you like it ^^
Hearts in the Distance
in Banquet Room Archives
Posted
Lord: it's just as you said. quite sad really... I had hoped for so long that maybe this once *shrugs* oh well. Maron has always been a good friend and I cant begrudge her happiness, but I just needed to find an outlet of sorts. Thank you for commenting. It is greatly appreciated.
Rune: This is my favorite poem also. I think someone told me once that the best writings are those that stem from personal experience because they have a ring of honesty and truth in them. That certainly seems to be the case with this one, at least for me. I had been working on my app, but decided to scrap it and start over with a different concept. The other one was lacking. Thank you for commenting, Rune.