eyeoneblack

Talent!

I would have thought it was a dream. Dreaming that we are awake. Awaking that we are dream. Awake, a dream, is there really any difference?

(But you'll never know in the hands of a gifted writer).

Well, I'm here and that can't be bad, so to speak, so I hope we can shake things up a bit.

Writing is such a challenge and a joy, and if some sort of virus has stricken this board then let us drive it away.

I can write silly and I can write nasty and I can write forever and ever, but I may never know if I can write well. Hoping to find out here.

Blessings to you all,

eye

[sorry for this presumptive post - just looking for a corner I can crawl into]

Hi, Hjolnai . I was cruising for a little reading for my coffee this morning and happened on your story. If (as you indicate) you'd like some feedback , well, here's a little; but first of all, I enjoyed the story - you captured my interest, pleasantly forestalling some precious moments, the dreaded double-click on a story I'm struggling too hard to write for the Recruiter's Office.

Sald quickly found his way to the library, finding exactly who he sought.

Replace 'finding' with another verb in order to indicate a separate 'find' - Worm. As it reads one might interpret that Sald found the library which was exactly 'who he sought' (?). Another verb, such as 'discover' might better separate the 'what' from the 'who'. All I'm saying is I tripped a little on it and other readers might lightly trip as well.

Jasper's strike, a pulse through the ground, was reduced to triviality by the lack of magic to convert internal stresses to kinetic energy.

I know what you mean - kinetic, as in classical Newtonian energy as opposed to chemical or plasmic or whatever else energies are available. But your reader might appreciate a little reassurance on the matter, unless of course you've covered this distinction before and I just missed it.

Like I said, I'm just killing time and this feedback is 'picky' to say the least. Nice story.

O.K., our license is due ($161.90)!

 

ANY donations will be APPRECIATED.

 

Trying to figure out how PayPal works, will let you know ASAP on how to donate!

 

Other news, I SHOULD have more reliable internet access starting next week AND I'm just waiting for those Mighty Pen shirts to arrive (payment has been sent!) and I'll start a contest or two to give them away!

 

Button works great (if you have a PayPal acct of course). Best wishes to ya'll .