Rambling or poetry?

[Ayshela]

well, maybe a "normal" person would think so..

meh, i never claimed to be normal.

while i regret the depths to which you clearly understand, there is a definite relief in seeing someone else voice what are, for me, such fundamental truths of life.

*hugs* if you're huggable.

[Solivagus]

My dreams come alive

In this place in which I once thrived

Demons laughing, knowing I

I can’t make it through the night

 

My life is in my own hands

I don’t know if I can do it, but they know I can

Demons dancing, along hell’s beaches

Through their foul, putrid black sand

As I fall to their satanic band.

 

Hell is coming now, drawing near

Awaiting me, the beasts I once feared

Demons waiting at hell’s stormy pier

I can finally see all I ever held dear.

 

Realizations of where I am

I try to scream but I don’t think I can

Demons leading, hand in hand

Leaving behind all I had, all I am.

 

My nightmares come alive

In this place where I once died

Demons haunting for all time

Just one part of a dark design.

[Solivagus]

Voices

 

What can you do? they say....

 

We've been around here forever,

clogging your mind,

blocking your soul,

your life, our will to sever.

 

You cannot heal yourself,

you'll never wander free,

we were handed down from yesterday,

we kept you alive, don't you see?

 

Hush.... little one....

close your eyes,

we'll block them out for you,

we'll bury all the lies.

 

No need to look for solace,

hush now.... stay where you are,

there's no one out there to save you,

don't start running, you'll go way too far.

 

Leave now your worries,

we can take care of everything,

we're always here reminding you,

it is your sanity we can bring.

 

Leave the tears as they fall,

futility is never all that bad,

use them to wash away those years

leaving you so very sad.

 

Hush now....... don't say any words,

if you begin we cannot prevent your fall,

they'll never understand you,

we'll arm you with ways to enthrall.

 

Listen not to the cracking,

feel not the rushing cold,

Sssshhhhh.... rest now inside your darkness,

nothing here to be told.

 

Have no fear of the outside world,

we'll never let them in,

no one but us......

will ever know your sins.

[Solivagus]

In a dream I saw death gambling...

 

Death Dealer

 

I’ve had enough

I’ll change the world

I’ve got my gun

My hate’s unfurled

 

Murder’s angels

Cold blue steel

One trigger pull

To spin the wheel

 

I’m the dealer

It’s my table

Like I’m your Cain

And you’re my Abel

 

So raise the stakes

And drop the ball

The time has come

To take the fall

 

The killer comes

With hell to raise

Fate’s roulette spins

Our numbered days

 

From underfoot

To standing tall

The one you crushed

Is now your god

Edited October 16, 2003 by Solivagus

[Solivagus]

Fear

 

Fear is something I cant explain

You only know if you felt the same

The feeling of extreme fright

Thinking someone is coming in the night

Your heart is racing

Your body shaking

You stare at the door

Just waiting, anticipating

If only their was someone here

Someone to keep your nightmares clear

If only the lock would keep them out

If only someone could hear my shouts

Why do they torment me this way

Why do they proceed to stay

They haunt me in the night

Knowing of my past of frights

They whisper in my ear

Knowing each of my worst fears

Every noise I am aware

Crouching in the corner so very scared

Edited October 15, 2003 by Solivagus

[Solivagus]

Demons of the Past

 

What do you see

When the lights go out

When you’re in your bed

The demons roam about

 

What do you see

When you’re in the dark

Do you see them coming

Do you hear them, they’re not too far.

 

Do you see what I see

When you’re alone at night

Do you know what I know

Between evening and morning’s light.

 

Do you hide like I do

In the middle of the witching hour

Do you cry like I do

And in the corner cower?

 

Do you smile like I do

And act like everything’s ok?

Do you play your part as I do

In life’s deceptive little play?

 

What do you see

In the darkness vast?

Do you see the demons coming

The demons of the past?

[WrenWind]

I really liked "Fear"

 

If only their was someone here

Someone to keep your nightmares clear

*hugs*

[Solivagus]

I watch you

Creeping across the room

Looking for your next prey

Forgetting about your yesterday

I don't trust you

I see right through you

 

Manipulating the truth

Everyone wants something

A disguise to make them stable

A lie to improve their fable

I don't trust you

 

I push you away, mocking you inside

You smile with such profanity

Your laughter mocks sincerity

You can't reach me

I see right through you

 

One thing I'm sure of

Is the charade of your integrity

Conviction is an insight

Not seen with selfish eyes

I don't trust you

I see right through you

[Solivagus]

Who am I to question you?

Don’t you know what I’ve been through?

I have not lived a perfect life

My body has been my own sacrifice

I destroy all things that are good

I would hide away, if I could

I make things run away

No one ever wants to stay

Getting close is what I fear

But then again no one hears

They think they know me deep inside

But they do not know the pain I hide

No one knows the life I led

Or the thoughts that run through my head

The pain is what drives me mad

The loneliness is what makes me sad

In this life theirs so much pain

I often wonder “what’s the gain?”

Life on earth is filled with sorrow

But is there hope in a new tomorrow?

[Peredhil]

I like the one about seeing through the false mask. There are a lot of those out there.

 

This last one is good too- in my world view, there is always hope.

[Solivagus]

Ain't friendship just great...

 

As I swim close to the shore

I am reminded of how I am swimming through life

Sometimes it is easier to stay in the safety of the shallows

I can put down my feet as the water isn't too deep

 

I can keep you at a distance, my new found friend

I can view you from the water's edge

I may dip my toes just to see how it feels

Is it safe to go further with this friendship ?

 

I could swim a little further

Allow myself to become almost submerged in you

Soles of my feet still touching the sand

Not yet ready to finally let go

 

What kind of sea are you really ?

Are you calm, serene, uplifting ?

Will you let me rest my head on your shoulder

Lay back and float in your warmth ?

 

Or are you full of tricks?

Will you let me think I am safe

Only to realise you have a darker side to you

Ready to pull me under ?

 

I do not wish to fight you

Do not wish to be tossed by your strong current

I only want to swim with you

Not drain all my energy wrestling against you

 

There is only one way to discover you

Kick out my legs and head further from the shore

Now I am in your hands

Do not let me drown.

[Solivagus]

Maybe this isn’t the best choice

But I’m good at making mistakes

Maybe life would get better, somehow

But by then it would be wasted away.

 

You knew I hurt myself, I thought about suicide

You knew but never acted for so long

That I thought maybe this is what you wanted

Maybe it’s not so wrong.

 

I’m sorry you don’t have anyone

To take out your anger on

I’m sorry you have no one to hurt, to blame

Now that I am gone.

 

I’m sorry I held on for so long

Making your life worse day by day.

I’m sorry I screwed up, I’m sorry I tried

And that it had to end this way.

 

I’m sorry I wasn’t the genius you wanted

I’m sorry I wasn’t as perfect as you thought.

I’m sorry I fought back when you turned on me

I’m sorry for the pain I brought.

 

I’m sorry you never knew me like you thought you did

I’m sorry I hid my life from view.

I didn’t mean to cause you half the amount of pain

That I got everyday from you.

 

But know that I gave up on everything

So full of hate I could not move.

Remember my life every minute of the day

And that it‘s all because of you

[Solivagus]

I resist this life

you've left me in,

ill-equipped for

living nightmares

of someone else's

life.

Dreams left

shattered

ease so dismissed,

caught up in a snare

of fate so casutic

with strife.

The frustration

in the guilty hell

of slowly living on,

if only to remember

all is lost.

Counting off the days

until the mental seige

while burning every bridge

half-way crossed.

The passage of birth

and the conception

of fear,

an errosion of

innocence in a day.

A quest for

replacement

to mock a guilty

soul,

strained to reassemble

a margin of sanity

for display.

Peace in the night

swiftly is stolen

keeping sight of

freedom's door.

Evolution of grief

is an ironic gift that

destroys one's soul

to the very

core.

[Ayshela]

*smiles*

yes, friendship is great, when it's real.

Now I am in your hands

Do not let me drown.

absolutely beautiful.

[Vanessa]

Urgh...

Edited November 26, 2003 by Vanessa

[Solivagus]

They're back...

 

He comes,

Bringer of darkness, destroyer of light,

He comes.

 

Black cloak around him,

Scythe he is handling,

He comes.

 

White skull grinning,

Taking both the good and the sinning,

He comes.

 

On skeletal steed,

On souls he must feed,

He comes.

 

Bony fingers reaching out,

Clenching throat and drowning shout,

He comes.

 

Beware deaths face,

His skeletal grace,

He comes.

 

He comes for you.

[Solivagus]

Found this topic when randomly searching. Made me realise...I haven't really changed.

 

Insanity

 

Do you know?

Can you feel?

My pain is for real.

I can't explain it,

it just doesn't fit.

I feel trapped inside,

with no way out,

nowhere to hide.

No one to hear me if I shout.

Something locked me up,

threw away the key.

Why me?

My heart feels hollow,

like I have no soul.

Why me?

How much worse can it be?

I feel left behind,

lost in my mind.

In a pit of despair,

does anyone care?

I feel alone in here,

with everything to fear.

In a world by myself,

can anything help?

I need to find a way out of this,

nothing will I miss.

The door I need to find,

the way out of my mind.

All thoughts left behind.

I feel like I want to cry,

I don't know why,

a teardrop just fell from my eye.

I feel apart from everything,

insanity is what my mind will bring.

I want the key,

I want to break free.

Why me?

It's coming to insanity.

I feel my rage,

I feel locked in a cage.

In my mind,

I am crying.

The way I need to find,

my heart is dying.

My senses are numb,

there's nowhere to run.

Now I'm lost inside,

I found no place to hide.

My tears start flowing like cold rain,

I've reached the point where I'm insane.

[Solivagus]

Angels and Demons.

 

Angels float above the world,

Yet only Demon voices now are heard,

Evil, now, is how men flower,

Where is the good? It has no power.

 

Guns and violence spread thier breath,

The streets we walk now reek of death,

Angels float above the world,

Yet only Demon voices now are heard.

 

Men of crime walk tall and proud,

Small-time dealers yell sales out loud,

Angels float above the world,

Yet only Demon voices now are heard.

 

Books are burned and knowledge lost,

Teachers slain, on fires tossed,

Angels float above the world,

Yet only Demon voices now are heard.

 

Angels float above the world,

Yet only Demon voices now are heard,

Preachers find that God is gone,

The Devil in man was just too strong.

[Solivagus]

Writers block is like a dam, once it bursts lines just keep coming...

 

Dark Dreams.

 

My mind is troubled by dark dreams,

Nothing here is as it sems,

People offer help in teams,

Yet I can see just what that means.

 

They don't care if I live or die,

Irrelevant, one such as I,

When they leave I hear them sigh,

Relief at ending another try.

 

They think to look inside my heart,

These fools they don't know where to start,

My mind is slowly torn apart,

Yet none of my knowledge will I impart.

 

And so my dreams go on and on,

Immortalised in word and song,

These people try to solve what makes me wrong,

None can see my pain makes me strong.

[Solivagus]

I hate.

 

I hate the world and all its rules,

I hate my life, surrounded by fools,

I hate what I am, a hopless wreck,

I hate what I face, a well-stacked deck.

 

I hate this job in which I'm stuck,

I hate my felings that run amok,

I hate the ground on which I rest,

I hate myself for not being the best.

 

I hate the fact words aren't enough,

I hate that I can't write this stuff,

I hate that I can't seem to think,

I hate that I can't seem to think.

 

I hate that life is full of downward bends,

I hate that I lose all my friends,

I hate that all I love seems to die,

But most of all, I hate I can't cry.

[Solivagus]

Love?

 

Love?

 

Some say

Love can heal.

But what happens

When you're unable to feel?

Unable to see

What's better for you?

Unable to be

Blind or brand new?

 

So I'm simply,

Numb.

So I'm simply,

Done.

 

Without feeling

Or Heart

Without love or healing

I let myself fall apart

 

I'll persue my dream.

Perhaps I'm supposed to die

Maybe It's supposed to be like this

And maybe this is my sign

To spread my broken wings

And fly

To heal these broken things

Or...slowly die

 

Decisions I make

The lives I spare

And the ones I take

The other times I don't dare

To interfere

Try to balance out

Try to hold nothing dear

Begging to cry aloud

Wanting anything to be clear

Finding nothing

Finding an empty abyss

Wishing for something

That's long gone amiss

Wishing to heal

Wishing to feel

 

Love?

[Solivagus]

Before I post more of this, I want it known I no longer feel like this, it's just i find it so hard to put into poetry how I really feel. Too used to this sorta stuff I guess. Anyhow, life is suddenly good to me, whatever impression this poetry gives.

 

How dare the sky turn sunny today

I need to see it black and gray

Angry and stormy is how I feel

I feel broken almost insane

How I wish that it would rain

In the storm there is no pain

Freeing me from all my hate

From the reality life

To the darkness I shall flee

To cease, to die, to rest

Relax and suspend

For once I am gone

The world turns no more

My Pain eternal shall hold

Till my freedom do I gain

Exist before me nothing did

Inside the cloud of misery

When the dark clouds cover the sky

I will feel an incredible high

I wish that it could always be

A stormy sky for me to see

So now I follow Death to see

What end there is

To Life I gave my soul

And Now

To Death I give my life