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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
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Deadly Nightshade

Tick Tock

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Tick Tock

Time rolls by

I can feel my life

Slipping away

Like blood from a wound

Through my fingers is flows

 

Mother father.. I love you both

Though I still be young

Mourn me not

for I am gone from the mortal life

And I pray you hold no spite

for the man who did this to me

the man who shot me

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Myself, I rather liked the basic idea... but I ditto the others. It's a good poem, but it could be better if you tried rhyming it or some such. Of course, I may just feel that way because I'm a lyrical sort of person, but that's my view on it. And the last line does seem a little bit... well... blunt. Perhaps overly blunt. If that's what you're trying for, go ahead. It just seems to me that it damages the flow of it.

 

Just my thoughts on the matter, you may take them or leave them as you will, knowing that it is a good poem either way.

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