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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
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Vlad

counts

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for one

second

i'm there

hands knees

on all fours

my sin my gin

a fifth out of reach

smell of sex and vomit and

early sabbath morning service

sorry that i can't remember

what i've said or ate or drank

or didn't but tend to lose time

dozing in between the moments

how unlucky for me to be this way

amen

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Just found this. I think it counts as brilliant, for the ability to bring back a multisensory memory I rather not remember...

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Nice poem, Vlad. :-) I like how it starts off with basic counting and number-related imagery, and then shifts into a contemplation about the losses of time that the habits have caused. The lines "on all fours" and "a fifth out of reach" are both excellent creative uses of numbered imagery, and the religious undertone in "early sabbath morning service" and "amen" gave the habits an even more shameful and sinful feel. In terms of possible things to improve in revisions, the line "how unlucky for me to be this way" felt a little off to me, since it's the only example of self-pity in the piece and kind of feels like an off-handed comment on the side compared to the rest of the poem.

 

Anyway, good poem Vlad. :-) Thanks for sharing it here.

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