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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
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Vlad

rain

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raindrop lines falling on my windows

thunder without lightning as i sit here

safe secluded protected from the world

the rain is hitting harder now

clouded shapes loom above my thoughts

lost inside of my own home

finding bleakness every way i look

 

the rain pauses breathes and starts again

trees waving i'm wavering don't know what to do

a single bird flies across the sky

searching for his nest maybe shelter

then stillness in all things

waiting to challenge nature but afraid

is it over? no, it's beautiful.

Edited by Vlad

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Good stuff. I like how you paint the scene around the rain, as opposed to the other way around. Unusual, but it works wonders.

The general inconsistent lack of punctuation hampers reading for me though. Either use it to full effect, or don't use it is what I'd say. That may just be me though.

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Good comment on the punctuation, I got rid of most of it and the flow does feel a little bit better. I'm a little mixed about the contractions and apostrophes in the second stanza, but I don't think those actually matter.

 

Keeping the punctuation in the final line feels like the right choice, bringing a the reader to a full stop.

 

Thank you for your feedback!

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