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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
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andrea hawk

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returning to places that were once Familiar

to seek out those ghosts in the past,

have left me with more questions than Answers

and Left my heart seemingly significantly heavier

 

why have faces become unfamiliar and Cast in shadows?

and remembrance and reverence has faded to none?

replaced with looks of suspicion and apprehension,

when before thoughts and feelings shared were dear?

 

have the years that have past changed you so much

that you barely seem to take notice when i have sought you Out?

what have i done to warrant the Numb conversations?

where it seems words exchanged… though spoken

were actually never said?

Edited by andrea hawk

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Nice poem, Andrea. The manner that people's relationships and emotions can change radically over long periods of seperation is a sad and heartfelt topic to touch upon, and is depicted well over the course of the poem. I also like the way that you incorporate the name of one of the people whose closeness you miss so subtly with the letters and words. In terms of possible things to improve in future revisions, the grammar of the first stanza felt a bit awkward to me with "have left me" in the third line of the stanza, since the distanced subject there still seems to be the places rather than the ghosts but it's a bit unclear... Perhaps if you phrased it "who've" to refer to the ghosts, or "places that have" if you're referring to the places, it might be clarified.

 

Anyway, this is nicely done Andrea. Thank you for sharing it. If it's of any comfort, I think that while time and distance can estrange people and change their relationships, there's nothing stopping people's emotions from changing again over time. Time may not heal all wounds, but it heals many.

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Wyvern, I really appreciate your feedback on this. Grammar and good flow has never been one of my strong suits... thank you so much for the advice. I had wondered if anyone would notice my secondary message in the words. Thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote, understand my feelings, and for looking into the true meaning in my words. I hope that time not only heals wounds, but also gives second chances.

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I aint no critic.

 

Unlike many here, I've never been able to grasp how writing is/should be structured. (It's like music, played trombone from 5th grade through 12th - not bad either - but NEVER learned to read or compose music. I just knew that a note written a certain way sounded a certain way. Ask me to play an A flat half note in double time and I'd just stare at you.) One reason I refrain from giving feedback. I don't believe it would be too constructive.

 

BUT, liked this one. Don't know technical reason why, just do.

 

Thanks for posting it.

 

Now entertain me some more!

 

:lol: Just kidding, but would enjoy seeing more of your work.

 

 

 

 

'You'll always have my unspoken passion, though I might not seem to care.' - Just The Way You Are (Billy Joel)

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