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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
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Ozymandias

Things I Have Learned

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*adds some semi-recent discoveries of her own*

 

Body language is very much in use, learn to read it and your life will get more interesting.

 

Not everyone is aware of using body language, not even of the feelings they express.

 

Replying in body language often has ten times the effect of a well thought-out sentence.

 

My voice, when used to tell stories or speak my train of thought, can put people to sleep ;)

Edited by Appy

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  • chanting "orifice" to yourself whilst browsing the comptuing section of a bookstore is not necessarily a good idea
  • when sitting about three feet from your computer monitor, staring hard at it for over an hour, turn on a light
  • there will aways be opportunities to learn patience. Whether you want them or not.

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Only make eye contact if your entire body is turned towards the other person. Off-center eye contact is ok in some cultures, but not this one. Full-face eye contact is only acceptable when the rest of the body is busy. Off-center eye contact combined with a directed torso is to be reserved for special occasions.

 

Eye contact is an excellent substitute for understanding the language. The smile is an excellent substitute for communicating in the language. Deploy as necessary.

 

A watched god never stays apotheosized.

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Some people are going to hear you, some people aren't. Some people are going to understand you, some people aren't. You will have to spend some time with the latter, but keep the former close to your heart.

 

Those who will let you grow and those who will grow with you are equally valuable, though not necessarily equally good life partners. :-S

 

Sometimes, it just *is* all about them. You can't fix what you can't control.

 

When you admit you just need to cry, half the *need* to cry goes away.

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  • When someone yout trust cousels exercising patience, do it.
  • Do the dishes in sunlight unless absolutely necessary..
  • pickles are an excellent palate cleanser.
  • garlic is an unreliable decongestant.

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The best kitchen invasions are those that come, cook dinner, are good company, and then leave. ;)

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  • it is easier to be positive after you've bathed.
  • keep your spine bent in as few directions as possible.
  • well-timed nonsense can do much.
  • when someone or something bothers you, speak out early.
  • do not drink coffee when you are hungry and anxious.

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It is possible to break the soles of a pair of shoes. Having done so, it's important to replace them BEFORE they cause a nasty fall.

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sometimes, the only thing that's going to help is going to sleep.

 

failing that, warm blankets and teddy bears have amazing soothing powers.

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If you are wall flower type. Ask questions. If you're not so wall-flowery, let the conversation shift to where it will and let the new people talk.

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  • A friendly face turning away will ruin a mood quickly.
  • If it looks like you haven't got what you want, look again. You may be surprised.
  • Men: Always follow through when you want to show her how much she means to you. Some of the greatest words you will ever hear are, "You make me feel beautiful."
  • Hug therapy.
  • Even if you start your day by waking up late, missing your most important appointment of the day, then soiling yourself, that STILL doesn't mean it will end badly.

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I learnt today that when things go wrong, people will need to cast blames. Why get worked up when you're the one blamed? Just smile, and everything seems much more peaceful.

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Do not squirt the WD-40 at face level and do keep your mouth shut.

Buy more cleaning cloth/detergent BEFORE starting the restoration project.

Do not let the gnome apply the WD-40, generally. Forget liberal application, she'll go straight to radical.

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Pay attention to the people around you. You can save a lot of time if you learn how to learn from other people's mistakes. There is something to be learned from everybody, even if it is just a great example of how not to be

 

When asked the time it will take for you to do something, always overestimate... its always better to be done early than to finish late, especially when others are waiting

 

It doesn't matter how "good" of a person you consider yourself to be if your actions don't prove it

 

seek out that which offends you and learn more about it. how can you know what is good if you don't know what is bad... of course it might turn out to be better than you thought

 

Promises are easier to keep if you fulfill them immediately

 

If someone comes to you with a problem, don't always assume they are looking for a solution. sometimes they just want you to recognize their problem and sympathize (i find this to be true more often with woman, but thats just my observation)

 

there is no better indication of the person you are than the company you keep

 

under no circumstances should you attempt to drink olive oil... its not as impressive as you think it would be

Edited by Savage Dragon

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  • Do not attempt to straighten your hair while holding a used lollipop.
  • Chaperone a high school dance at least once.
  • cap candy brand Harry Potter Blood Pops are a tough sell, even to the most avid Harry Potter fan.
  • Observe any potential room mates' sanitary habits quietly, and without comment for as long as possible.
  • Your life is more than guys, or girls.
  • The "food...or books?" question can be answered either way you want with easy success, if you plan ahead.
Edited by Ozymandias

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* speaking engagements pay well if you can them.

* don't run in smog

* no matter what I do, my mother will always tell me the truth. The blunt cold hard brutal truth. Yeah that's right mom, don't even try to hold anything back, just let me have it. ;)

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"if you light a man a fire, he'll be warm for a night; if you light a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

 

"Love like you need money, work like everyone's watching, and dance like it hurts."

 

Before insulting someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. So when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

"Don't sh!t where you eat."

 

"Bros before hoes."

Edited by Vigil StarGazer

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  • Do not attempt to straighten your hair while holding a used lollipop.

Imagining that with the hair that you have does provide a pretty vivid mental image. ;P

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Absolutely stolen from Stargazers Funnies:

 

Words to Live By

 

Never argue with an idiot. The people watching might not know the difference.

 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

 

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

 

When you're laying in bed at night looking up at the stars, don't panic when you suddenly wonder "Where the Hell is the ceiling?!"

 

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and SMACK the asshole upside the head.

 

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Just remember........if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

 

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but giggle when you see one tumble down the stairs.

 

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

 

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

 

Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your car.

 

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

 

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

 

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

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  • The more natural the grain, the more like concrete any leftover cereal flakes will be.
  • Food Network is porno for hungry people.
  • Organizing is good malaise therapy.
  • So is hot coffee.

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  • Honesty will be met with hate and fear.
  • If you want to make your eyes water, an easy way to do that is pull out your nose hairs by the clump.
  • Remember well the wisdom of Rod Serling.

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Not very many people spell "orangutan" correctly

Never embarass someone if you want to maintain relations with them -- too many people hate you for that

Wheat pitas are disappointing

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