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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Things I Have Learned


Ozymandias

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Floss and use a tongue scraper or if you don't own a tongue scraper at least brush your tongue.

 

* Flossing prevents adult type cavities, gum disease and gingivitis, and those evil root canals.

* Tongue scraping prevents bad breath.

 

If you're going to run, invest in good shoes.

If you're going to run a lot invest in good socks.

If you're going to run a long distance race like over ten-miles and you're a guy. Tape up your NIBBLES! Use sports/medical tape or invest in nip-protects. Am serious. That's a new kind of pain there people.

Never drink a red-bull or coffee before a long distance race!

Never cheer long-distance runners on anywhere between 500 yards after any given start of a race and the 1st mile. That's where all the guys that drank coffee or red-bull decide to go to the bathroom.

 

**chimes PSA (public service announcement) music**

 

"The more you know..."

 

 

rev...

Edited by reverie
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  • 3 weeks later...
  • try El Sabroso Salsita chips(Unless you have any complicating allergies).
  • always have the following in your car/truck/on your bike/boat/etc.:one fresh change of clothes, one dictionary, one thesaurus, three nonperishable lunches, one breakfast, one dinner, a good book (or four magazines, or four comic books), coupons.
  • zombies make for a better boardgame than even real estate investing.
  • watch cartoons that have no profane language.
  • if a kiss doesn't help, a kiss and a band-aid will.
  • if a kiss and a band-aid don't help, some antiseptic, a band-aid and a kiss will.
  • if a kiss, a band-aid, and antiseptic don't help, a kiss, a band aid, antiseptic and a lolly (or ice cream) will.
  • if antiseptic, a band-aid, a kiss AND a lolly (or ice cream) don't make it better, you need a doctor.
  • if you feel like you're going to throw up or have diaherrea, assume that you will.
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If you feel like you are going to pass out or faint. Try this. If possible and if not already outside, navigate you're way through the static field of your vision to the nearest rest room and then try to throw up. This confuses the heck out of your brain, which hopefully over-rides the impending fainting spell with a healthy acknowledgment of the gag reflex.

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Guest Phoenix

*plays for a while*

 

- if you try to say something deep and complicated on little sleep, you'll usually end up sounding like an idiot...

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If you feel useless or worthless, you need a good friend who knows you well enough that you can believe them when they say you're not - and who knows you well enough to know that's really what you need the most.

 

Let the tears run. You don't have to be able to *say* anything. Type what needs to be said. Or sit side by side and pass a notebook back and forth. Use sign language if you want. Say it with a hug, or get up and walk away - whatever the situation requires. Stifling the tears to try to talk will only create more, and it won't work anyway. Just let it be. Far, far easier said than done, yes. Try it anyway.

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  • 4 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

I have some... not from me personally but a bunch of my friends moved to flordia recently... and I was told a few life lessons I'll be sure to keep in mind....

  • Do NOT wash all your clothes in a bathtub, they will NOT dry for a very very long time. . .
Needless to say they really need a chick down there with them....

And, should you forget this advice, washing at 60 degrees Celsius (that's the whites cycle, if your washer doesn't specify, not the colorfast cycle) will get rid of the resultant mildewy scent. A few hours of strong sunlight will also. So will, as a last resort, bleach.

 

Other life lessons from the college era I wish I could forget:

 

So you think your personal odor is fine and laden with pheromones? I can't judge that. I can assure you that it only works for fresh personal odor. Wash your laundry and bedsheets! If it still smells, wash it with more detergent and a higher temperature! Cleanse yourself to wash off old personal odor!

 

Bleach on an empty cycle cleans out washers and dishwashers which have been tasked to clean off. . .funk. (Thanks, Wench!) It also kills, disinfects, and dislodges some invertebrates. After the initial dislodging, though, muscle power will suffice to scrub things clean.

 

Sometimes it's better to cut off the dreadlock than spending the hours to untangle it; its hairs will already be so abused that they'll re-tangle with a sneeze.

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Life Lessons...

 

- Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear

 

- Read every day

 

- Literature is our birthright, so shoplift books

 

- Motorists despise cyclists for some unknown reason, so keep your eyes peeled when riding

 

- Condoms can be mood killers

 

- Sometimes video games take precedence over real life

 

- DONT EVER COMMUTE TO COLLEGE!

 

- Hippies dont actually care about the enviroment

 

 

 

 

 

Lessons from living in Florida...

 

- Dont try to buy beer without money

 

- There is no bottle returns in florida

 

- Dont try and wash all your clothes at once in the tub with dish soap

 

- Cigarettes may be cheap in florida, but so is the pay

 

- Every day is "Fun Day"

 

- Smoking Salvia (a legal hallucinogen) makes you feel like your being folded in half by a giant frisbee (credit goes to my friend Pat for that one)

 

- Krills is a slang term for crack now. Go figure...

 

 

...And yes I am aware of how sketchy these lessons make me sound ;)

Edited by Nyarlathotep
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Trust is one of the most beautiful gifts you'll ever be given. Enlarge your heart to receive it, handle it carefully, once broken it never mends completely. For this reason alone, those who abuse a child damage the child, them self, and all of us. Children are the future in which we will have to live.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Missed this gem of a thread before and its has some great content so far so I'll add some of my own experiences:

 

1. Time wounds all heels - its how you recover that is a testimony to your character.

 

2. There is always someone else out there worse off than you.

 

3. Never back down from a fight. Instinctively we are territorial animals, to deny this is to deny that you are a mammal. If you know its going down, be first. You gain the better chance of winning by striking before being struck.

 

4. Never lie to friends and family but if you don't learn to lie at all you will be taken advantage of by rogues, businessmen and will become easily brain washed by the media.

 

5. Never decide you will be with someone forever without ever having slept with them. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it and you might run into compatability issues.

 

6. Make hopes and dreams that you aim to accomplish alone as an individual. Don't rely on others for happiness because you are shirking from the responsibility that you have for your own survival and peace of mind.

 

7. Have the strength to know when to quit.

 

8. Don't criticise something you have never tried.

 

9. Listen, listen, listen! For every one thing you know there are millions of things you don't know. Even if you vehemently disagree, take on board another's opinion and reason why they think that way and are imparting knowledge/perspective.

 

10. <not mine> "The best thing for being sad," replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."

 

The once and future King

T.H. White

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  • 3 weeks later...

Something that I took me a while to get regarding feedback (both poor and constructive) on anything you create:

 

It's not about defending or even agreeing or disagreeing, it's about listening to what was heard or mis-heard and why.

And what was heard says just as much about the reader as it does the author.

 

 

Definitely wish I'd had you around to explain this for me many, many times over the past seven years or so. Well put. :>) ~Ozy

Edited by Ozymandias
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  • 1 month later...
  • Bolut may look horrifying, but sounds quite tasty.
  • wear underwear with white pants.
  • Don't leave me unsupervised with an espresso machine.
  • people are going to snark and snipe if you do not permit them to use a credit card as valid identification.
  • beer bottles make for terrific slow drinking vessels.
  • tell more jokes.
  • refine your skill of making yourself laugh.
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