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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

jonadine

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Posts posted by jonadine


  1. I have fallen in love with my own broken heart,

    I hoard my hurts, all pot shards and broken glass,

    Closer than my own skin.

     

    I know it's not you that makes me feel disposable, discarded, unwanted, unloved,

    Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, NEVER ENOUGH....

     

    It is rather the sharpened claws of my own self image.

    They puncture me, and leave holes that bleed perspective,

    Respawning habits of thought that that fit like

    Your favorite old jeans.

     

    I hate them, with a strengthening hate.

    They stick to me in hot taffy strings I try to pluck off with unbuttered hands, more tangled with each fumbling effort.

     

    Faceless, faithless lovers, they are all that I reject

    They are in my head, in my bed, filling the air with the warm musky scent of my own bad decisions.

     

    I can almost see them sometimes, those fears and insecurities, bursting from me like I am Pandora's box, swarming me like angry wasps.

     

    Then I'm a dwelling, a hive of utter bullshit,

    I can hear the buzzing of all that useless baggage,

    Seething with every never and always I've ever thought.

     

    I'm tired of swimming in wet concrete,

    Trying to breathe underwater,

    Frustrated, exhausted.

     

    I try to walk on fractured limbs

    Splintered bones grind through my flesh, but

    I will get there. Just you watch.

     

    I will be free, someday. The holes left

    Spackled shut, some paved over,

    Some filled in with loam and growing new life.

     

    Right now they torment me, but I see the future,

    And I will win this battle, have already won,

    It just remains to stamp them out.

     

    I put my insecurities in the killing jar, pluck off their wings

    Watch them squirm their innards out

    and I'll do it every day til they are gone.


  2. I have fallen in love with my own broken heart,

    I hoard my hurts, all pot shards and broken glass,

    Closer than my own skin

     

    They cut me, and leave holes that bleed perspective,

    Wearing grooves of bad habits that that fit like

    Your favorite old jeans.

     

    I hate them, with a strengthening hate.

    They stick to me in hot taffy strings I try to pluck off with unbuttered hands, and they burn like napalm.

     

    Faceless, faithless lovers, they are all that I reject

    They are in my head, in my bed, warm musky scent of my own bad decisions.

     

    I'm tired of swimming in wet concrete,

    Trying to breathe underwater,

    Frustrated, exhausted.

     

    I try to walk on fractured limbs

    Splintered bones grind through my flesh, but

    I will get there. Just you watch.

     

    I will be free, someday. The holes left

    Spackled shut, some paved over,

    Some filled in with loam and growing new life.

     

    Right now they torment me, but I see the future,

    And I will win this battle, have already won,

    It just remains to stamp them out.

     

    I put my insecurities in the killing jar, pluck off their wings

    Watch them squirm their innards out

    and I'll do it every day til they are gone.

    • Like 1

  3. I have fallen in love with my own broken heart,

    I hoard my hurts, all pot shards and broken glass,

    Closer than my own skin

     

    I hate them, with a lengthening hate.

    They stick to me in hot taffy strings I try to pluck off with unbuttered hands,

     

    I'm tired of swimming in wet concrete,

    Trying to breathe underwater,

    Frustrated, exhausted.

     

    I try to walk on fractured limbs

    Splintered bones grind through my flesh, but

    I will get there. Just you watch.

     

    Faceless, faithless lovers, they are all that I reject

    They are in my head, in my bed, warm musky scent of my own bad decisions.

     

    I will be free, someday. The holes they left

    Spackled shut, some paved over,

    Some filled in with loam and growing new life.

     

    I put them all in the killing jar, pluck off their wings

    Watch them squirm their innards out

    and I'll do it every day until they are gone.


  4. Congratulations! We are pleased to accept for publication your manuscript , M13-2535, "Photographs." I found your poem incredibly moving, shockingly good, and professionally crafted. You have a great talent, and it shows with this piece. Thank you so much for sending it our way

     

    Jomeansme: squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


  5. Freckled grin incandescent, snub-nosed, kewpie cute,

    it overflowed you and swept us all with it, especially me.

    Your joy tides left their mark on me

    Like seaweed limned flotsam on the beach.

     

    I hear my heart clapping the game of our childhood

    Miss Merry Mack-ing our way to adolescence.

    I knew you, pigtails to sandcastles,

    and your moods were subtle and irresistible as gravity.

     

    Glossed with normal-flavored "artistic temperament",

    graceful, natural dancer that you were,

    poet, snake charmer, stubborn as a steel post,

    Your intensity was magical, genius, and I was your acolyte.

     

    The day they came hangs over me like a pall, sometimes.

    Its a jumble mostly, clone-pairs of emergency workers,

    Wielding clipboards like shields,

    asking reasonable, purposeful, meaningless questions.

     

    Absurdly, I remember that in each pair, one had a mustache,

    and each not-twin asked me the same things

    about allergies, medical problems

    and were there any drugs in the house.

     

    There is a moment, razored from that day, a photo that lives in my head:

    When you were tongue twisting the shape of insanity

    Jaws unhinged like a snake, giving birth

    to a joke so huge, I splattered against it like slung mud.

     

    Memory after that is narrow and dark.

    They rolled you out naked as a shell-less snail

    And gave me small jobs to do

    Packing up clothes, and shoes and toothbrushes,

     

    Then, your sanity hung by a thread, scattered and distracted,

    Like the prisms you kept in your window.

    You looked right at me, and you said you had to do this alone

    And, primary colors flashing, you were gone


  6. Freckled grin incandescent, snub-nosed, kewpie cute,

    it overflowed you and swept us all with it, especially me.

    Your joy tides left their mark on me

    Like seaweed limned flotsam on the beach.

     

    I hear my heart clapping the game of our childhood

    Miss Merry Mack-ing our way to adolescence,

    I knew you, pigtails to sandcastles,

    and your moods were subtle and irresistible as gravity.

     

    Glossed with normal-flavored "artistic temperament"

    graceful, natural dancer that you were,

    poet, snake charmer, stubborn as a steel post

    Your intensity was magical, genius, and I was your acolyte

     

    The day they came hangs over me like a pall, sometimes

    Its a jumble mostly, clone pairs of emergency workers,

    Wielding clipboards like shields,

    asking reasonable, purposeful, meaningless questions.

     

    Absurdly, I remember that in each pair, one had a mustache,

    and each not-twin asked me the same things

    about allergies, medical problems

    and were there any drugs in the house.

     

    There is a moment, razored from that day, a photo that lives in my head

    When you were tongue twisting the shape of insanity

    Jaws unhinged like a snake, giving birth

    to a joke so huge, I splattered against it like slung mud.

     

    Memory after that is narrow and dark,

    They rolled you out naked as a shell-less snail,

    And gave me small jobs to do

    Packing up clothes, and shoes and toothbrushes,

     

    And suddenly, your sanity hung by a thread

    scattered and distracted like the prisms you kept in your window

    And you told me you had to do this alone

    And primary colors flashing, you were gone


  7. Freckled grin incandescent, snub-nosed, kewpie cute

    it overflowed you and swept us all with you, especially me

    Your joy tides left their mark on me

    Like the seaweed limned flotsam at the beach

     

    I hear my heart clapping the game of our childhood

    Miss Merry Mack-ing our way to adolescence

    Your moods were legendary

    Subtle and irresistible as gravity

     

    Glossed over with the normal-flavored artistic temperament

    graceful natural dancer that you were,

    poet, snake charmer, stubborn as a steel post

    Your intensity was magical, genius, and I was your acolyte

     

    The day they came hangs over me like a pall, sometimes

    Its a jumble mostly, clone pairs of emergency workers,

    Wielding clipboards like shields,

    asking reasonable, purposeful, meaningless questions.

     

    Absurdly, I remember that in each pair, one had a mustache,

    and each not-twin asked me the same things

    about allergies, medical problems

    and were there any drugs in the house.

     

    There is a moment though, that lives in my head like a photo,

    When you were tongue twisting the shape of insanity

    Jaws unhinged like a snake, giving birth

    to a joke so huge, I splattered against it like slung mud.

     

    Memory after that is narrow and dark,

    They rolled you out naked as a shell-less snail,

    And gave me small jobs to do

    Packing up clothes, and shoes and toothbrushes,

     

    And suddenly, your sanity hung by a thread

    scattered and distracted like the prisms you kept in your window

    And you told me you had to do this alone

    And primary colors flashing, you were gone.

     

     

     

     


  8. This poem is about depression and contemplating suicide. It was intended to be a cipher, however I am going to rewrite it at some point to be cleaner and clearer. The first five stanzas are introducing the paralyzing nature of depression, how it feels like doing anything is too hard, like swimming in concrete. the next two are the fear and guilt associated with planning your own death, knowing how your family would feel, The next five deal with the certainty that death is the only way out, that the situation is too intolerable to live with, and the concurrent fearlessness in the face of death since its a relief from the pain of living. The last stanza is the kicker, an attempt, albeit clumsy, to negate the contemplation of suicide as an option.


  9. Just about done... I think

     

    Mixed Metaphor

     

    SSSSSSSSlick like a viper,

    Fanged thoughts sink under skin,

    Laying carnivorous eggs,

    Like a spider wasp.

     

    Leaving slimy slug trails,

    The wriggling larvae,

    Pupate into venomous steam.

    I can hear it,

     

    The shrill wailing teakettle shriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeek

    Of pressure-cooked shouts, packed in lies,

    crammed full and SLAMmed shut

    like my suitcase when I left you.

     

    Blame bubbles up from oily depths,

    collecting in corners,

    Like the shriveled char

    In a deep fryer.

     

    The carbonized residue crackling and shifting

    Like embers after a house fire,

    The walls falling in,

    Love dissipating in the smoke

     

    That coats everything in a black rime

    That burns eyes, and stains lungs

    And I eat that pain

    like potato chips made of poison.


  10. SSSSSSSSlick like a viper,

    Fanged thoughts sink under skin,

    Laying carnivorous eggs,

    Like a spider wasp.

     

    Leaving slimy slug trails,

    The wriggling larvae,

    Pupate into venomous steam.

    I can hear it,

     

    The shrill wailing teakettle shriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeek

    Of pressure-cooked shouts, packed in lies,

    crammed full and SLAMmed shut

    like my suitcase when I left you.

     

    It bubbles up from oily depths,

    Blame collecting in corners,

    Like the shriveled char

    In a deep fryer.

     

    The carbonized residue crackling and shifting

    Like embers after a house fire,

    The walls falling in,

    Memories dissipating like smoke

     

    That burns eyes, and stains lungs

    with a black rime that sticks to everything

    And I eat that pain

    Like potato chips, and it tastes like poison.


  11. You suck. she said, like its your fate

    it pops my ears, the sucks so great.

     

    You suck like you heard sucking's cool

    Like you learned how in sucking school,

     

    If there were a sucking test,

    No question, you would be the best,

     

    Or if it were a sucking race

    You'd win the prize and be first place.

     

    You suck all day and suck all night

    'til babies weep and crops get blight,

     

    You would suck if it were noon,

    you still suck out on the moon.

     

    You suck forever and an hour,

    You suck 'til it's your superpower.

     

    You suck, she said, like I'm a girl,

    You suck so much it makes me hurl.

     

    You suck the birds and suck the bees

    and suck the leaves right off the trees

     

    You suck the clouds across the sky

    and suck the whole damn ocean dry

     

    You suck in cars and suck in trucks

    I cant believe how much you suck.

     

    You suck in Noah and the Ark

    the Empire State and Fenway Park.

     

    You suck until your face turns blue,

    and suck until your dog sucks too.

     

    I feel, she said, that sucks so big

    that it will snap you like a twig,

     

    You'll break in two and then therefore

    after that you'll suck some more,

     

    You suck for real and that's no lie

    You suck so much that you might die,

     

    You'd suck if sucking didn’t exist

    You suck so hard I made a list.

     

    You have reached your sucking goal,

    and now resemble a black hole

     

    You've sucked so much, gained so much mass,

    you'll have to blow it out your &$$.


  12. SSSSSSSSlick like a viper,

     

    Fanged thoughts sink under skin,

     

    Laying carnivorous eggs,

     

    Like a spider wasp.

     

    Leaving slimy slug trails,

     

    The wriggling larvae,

     

    Pupate into venomous steam.

     

    I can hear it,

     

    The shrill wailing teakettle shriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeek

     

    Of pressure cooked lies.

     

    They bubble up from oily depths,

     

    Collecting in corners,

     

    Like the shriveled char

     

    In a deep fryer.

     

    The crackling carbonized residue

     

    Taints the whole

     

    And I eat that pain

     

    Like potato chips

     

    Till all that comes of creativity

     

    Is poison


  13. "I think its time to talk about

    some things you're doing, Ned,

    what is going on with you?"

    She waited. "Brains." He said.

     

    "You never change your clothing

    its always full of stains,

    Why cant you do some laundry?"

    Came the answer..."Brains."

     

    "You don't wash the dishes or

    do yard work anymore

    Can you tell me what is

    happening?" "Brains!" he swore.

     

    "You lost your job, you never sleep

    and all your friends complain

    that you never call or visit them.

    What gives? Please explain."

     

    "And one more thing I'd like to say

    about last night in bed,

    you bit me way to hard

    and now I'm....Brains." She said


  14. Falling in love

    With a broken heart

     

    Trying to breathe

    underwater

     

    I am swimming

    In wet concrete

     

    Walking on

    fractured limbs

     

    Splintered bones

    grinding through skin

     

    Awakening sweat-slick

    And frozen

     

    Guilt shuddering

    through me

     

    Approaching

    the ending of possibility

     

    Unafraid

    With an implacable mien

     

    Quietly considering

    The primal scream

     

    Silence and sleep

    Await me

     

    I am determined

    to seek peace

     

    this is only

    theoretically possible


  15. It seemed too “un doctor-like” to say;

    “Her spirit has fled”

    So instead we offered to withdraw care

    To stop the drip-dripping of the drugs

    That were flogging her to keep going.

     

    We knew she was already gone

    Having seen so much death,

    As physicians we offer facts perhaps devoid of truth

    Her blood pressure is too low

    Her heart rate too slow

     

    You told me it sounded like

    we were ready to give up

    That you were praying for the miracle

    That God would take her When He was ready

    And not before

     

    What we knew and had not words to say:

    No battles left, the war lost,

    God-given free will in the form of

    Almighty Medicine

    Keeping her tethered to the earth

     

    To you perhaps she looked as if

    She was fighting for her life gasping for breath

    And it hurt you too much to let go

    While she was laboring so hard

    To deliver her soul

     

    What you saw was the struggle to quit

    Against the force of Medicine

    Keeping her breathing, her heart beating

    Blood sluggishly pumping

    Against its will

     

    I wanted to say “He has called her home”

    But the role of doctor had me

    wrapped up too tight

    And you kept your vigil

    Until she won the fight

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